If a man jokes with a woman. Why do men play pranks on women?
How to understand that a man likes you? Elena Kuznetsova, a family psychologist, consultant on interpersonal relations, director of the Me and You dating agency, tells.
Obvious Symptoms
It is difficult not to notice that a man with whom you have been talking for a long time suddenly tries to become someone more than a friend for you, because in such a situation the behavior of a man changes a lot. Either he behaved normally, or he begins to send signals “special for you”. That is, if you are sitting at the table together, he tries to actively look after you: pours wine, puts food on it, and so on. Be sure to try to look into the eyes - on any, even the most insignificant, occasion. And when he clinks glasses with you, he also looks into your eyes. Another man in love is trying to touch you: straighten your hair, brush off a mote from your clothes, touch your hand. How frank these touches depend on the level of impudence of a man, his age and sophistication.
In addition, a man will try to walk you home after a joint banquet or “accidentally” run into you on the street and offer you a ride, and so on.
Sometimes increased attention from a man turns out to be destructive. The representative of the stronger sex constantly "clings" to a woman, can bring her to tears, and even in public. It is curious that often this behavior is also . It's like a junior high school student who hits a girl he likes on the head with a textbook.
“But still, such behavior is more connected with the internal culture and upbringing of a man. Most often, such representatives of the stronger sex grew up in an incomplete family. Or there were problems with mom or older sister. It is possible that unhappy love left its mark. And now he cannot restrain his emotions, because he likes the girl, but he is afraid that she will reject him, like other ladies. He is furious and therefore rude, ”Elena Kuznetsova explains the situation.
The psychologist, however, notes that the aggressive behavior of a man towards a woman is not always hidden love. Sometimes rudeness can be just rudeness. A lot depends on the woman in question. If she is an "ugly duckling" and she knows it, then most likely she has become the victim of another scoundrel. But if a girl of about the same age as a man is not an ugly woman, then in 97% of cases a man breathes unevenly towards her.
Overcoming embarrassment
A man who likes a woman, regardless of his experience and arrogance, will be insecure and timid next to her, and all because. This is a serious blow to self-esteem. Not every man decides to openly care for the girl he likes. A not too confident representative of the stronger sex, for example, is looking for a suitable pretext to demonstrate his sympathy. For example, he will give up his place in the queue at the canteen, or in another similar situation, he will try to “signal” the girl that he likes her and that he distinguishes her from the rest. After this step, he will observe the reaction of the woman and, perhaps, wait for her to respond.
“Men have repeatedly told me that they wanted to be in a relationship, but at the same time, that she was not very active and did not run ahead of the locomotive. The trouble is, that doesn't happen. A woman is either active in everything, or she is waiting for an initiative from a man, ”says Elena Kuznetsova.
The director of a dating agency advises women, if not to be active themselves when developing relationships with men, then at least show sympathy if the gentleman is “stretching” to you. For example, if a man made the first step towards you, take a step back from your side. It will be unobtrusive, and at the same time, your boyfriend will receive a signal that you like it, and he is given the go-ahead for further actions.
Non-verbal signs
Most often, when you enter a room where your admirer is, he is nervous. He starts straightening his jacket, tie, hair, can twist the car key chain on his finger. In a word, to perform any nervous actions. Take a closer look, if a man behaves in such a strange way every time he meets you, this may indicate that he cares about you.
When talking to you, a man who really likes you will communicate with you, not standing half-turned, but will turn around with his whole body.
Helpful information
Elena Kuznetsova, director of the Me and You dating agency, family psychologist. Phone 8-920-909-62-35.Mistake came out
Do not rush to jump to conclusions about the emerging sympathy for you. Suddenly you mistakenly take certain actions of a man for intimate signals? Watch the behavior of a man, try to mirror him. If he smiled at you, smile back. If he touched you, touch him too. If the gentleman "grabbed" the signs of attention shown on your part, then you can celebrate the victory. If not, you misunderstood something, taking wishful thinking. Perhaps this man really treats you well, but you are far from the object of his dreams. It is possible that he was just in a good mood, and he decided to flirt a little. Or he is interested in you in a businesslike way, and feels sympathy for you not as a woman, but as a business partner.
If you have questions for psychologist Elena Kuznetsova, you can ask them by writing a letter to the editorial office of AiF-Vladimir: [email protected]
Sometimes the behavior of men surprises and shocks. After a few days of dating, they begin to behave rather strangely, although at first everything was normal and predictable.
They do things that have nothing to do with the situation, they can watch too closely, forcing them to feel awkward, pay attention to little things in clothes, try to give compliments when they don’t expect it. And after some time, especially if his friends appear nearby, they begin to make fun of the girl, and then it becomes completely unclear how to react: either be offended or smile. Because their manner of doing it, the situation in which it happens, puts him in an awkward position and is able to transfer him from the category of a good friend to the camp of the enemy.
Since the confidence is born that he wants to humiliate you in the eyes of others, to make everyone who is nearby laugh at you.
But do not rush to draw conclusions. In fact, this behavior is very reminiscent of the period of pulling pigtails in school. Only now it is impossible to do this, everyone has grown up, and age leaves its mark. True, after a certain age, after 35 and older, men no longer behave this way. They know how to express their interest and flirt in other more acceptable ways.
Those who have not yet reached this age, at the sight of a girl they like, instinctively do everything to draw her attention to themselves. Their movements and biting jokes are nothing but a sign of great interest. This is how they show their feelings. In which sometimes they themselves do not give a report. It's just hard for them to say it directly, but they can't remain silent either.
So if you notice how someone in your environment jokes with you too often in such a way that you don’t know whether to cry or laugh, while he does this only in relation to you and his jokes, but in fact flirting is never directed, to humiliate or make fun of evil, which means he likes you.
In addition, in your presence, he can sometimes get lost, look away when your eyes meet, talk too loudly and often laugh, be next to you at every opportunity, always ready to help. All these are signs of a nascent crush and a desire for you to pay attention to him and appreciate how wonderful he is.
And it's up to you to decide what to do. If you do not pay attention and ignore, he can very soon calm down or move on to more decisive steps. If he is nice to you, and you don’t mind talking with him closer, then show interest in him, look into his eyes as often as possible, joke, and after a while he can finally invite you on a date, and not only joke, forcing, embarrassing and languishing in anticipation.
Look at how he behaves with other women. If he flirts with you, it probably means he likes something about you. However, if he flirts with all girls, then he can be a naturally charming and charismatic person who enjoys flirting. The next time you spend time together and other women are around, watch how he talks and treats them. If he talks to them the same way he talks to you, it's probably not flirting at all.
Notice if flirting is part of his job. If he is at work and works as a waiter or bartender, then part of his job is to flirt with the ladies. Don't pay too much attention to how he treats you at work, rather look at how he treats you in his free time. This way, you will get a better idea of how he feels about you. On the other hand, if he works in a more professional field, he is unlikely to flirt with you on the job, even if he likes you - few people want to make problems for themselves, and some just feel uncomfortable flirting during work hours.
See if it breaks the touch barrier. If a guy likes you, he will look for any hackneyed reasons to touch you; the reason is simple - he wants to get close to you. Perhaps he puts his hand over yours, passing you a pencil, or, unexpectedly bumping into you, he puts his hand on your back or simply sits even closer so that your knees or feet touch. If he seems to be always looking for reasons to touch you, then he is probably flirting with you.
Notice if he laughs at your jokes. Sure, you could be the next Regina Dubovitskaya, but chances are he thinks you're funnier than you really are if he flirts with you. If he likes you, he will laugh at everything you say, even when you're not trying to be funny. If you notice that he laughs too loudly when you joke, or even giggles nervously when you talk about what you ate for dinner, then he is probably flirting with you. It is possible that he is laughing because he is worried about your presence.
See if he borrows anything from you. When guys flirt with us, they are always looking for ways to spend more time with us. If he's always asking you to borrow books, movies, or lesson notes, chances are he's just looking for reasons to talk to you and touch your stuff so he can think even more of you. He is probably really interested in you if he acts like he shares all your interests; so he wants to please you!
Notice if he acts like a gentleman around you. Some guys are born gentlemen, but when a guy likes a girl, he opens the door for her, pulls up a chair, and offers her his coat if she gets cold. Perhaps when you walk down the street, it comes to the side to "protect" you from traffic. Watch how he behaves with other girls; if he acts like a gentleman only with you, then he is definitely flirting with you.
See if he teases you. Joking is one of the most common ways of flirting with men. If he's lightly poking fun at your clothes, the way you walk, laugh, or anything he thinks is really cute, then he's definitely flirting with you. If you always feel like a guy is bothering you and pointing out all your "flaws", know that he is just flirting with you, because he pays attention to all the details of your behavior.
Pay attention to whether he is lying about common interests. It's great if you and your boyfriend have similar tastes in music, books, movies or food, as long as not everything... If he is too happy and willingly nods when you mention your new favorite movie or group, then this may be because he is trying to flirt with you - he is indicating that you have something else in common to please you more. Don't write it down as a disadvantage; this harmless lie is just his way of finding the key to your heart.
See if he gives you small gifts. Perhaps he has already given you more than one pen, because you always forget yours at home. Maybe he gave you a lip balm because your lips are always flaky. This is certainly not a giant bouquet of flowers, but in this way the guy flirts with you and shows that he pays attention to your needs. He is caring and doesn't want to scare you off with a big gift if he's not sure you like him.
Notice if he makes fun of other guys you hang out with. This is a classic way to flirt with a girl and show your interest. If a guy is always making nasty or just plain arrogant and funny comments about other guys you know or hang out with, chances are he's jealous because you're paying attention to someone else instead of him. If he says something like: "What did you even see in him?" is a sure sign of flirting.
See if he jokes about your dates with other people. If every new guy in your life he attributes to boyfriends or makes fun of every romantic date you have, then he is definitely flirting with you. He plays with the idea that you are dating someone else because he wants to date you. This is a subtle (or not-so-subtle) way of letting you know that he wants you to date him.
Notice if he blushes when you see him. If a guy blushes when you talk, then this is definitely a sign that he likes you and is flirting with you. Look at his face the next time he needs to say something to you, and if he turns bright red for no reason, or blushes after he says something even a little personal to you, then this is definitely a sign that he likes you and he just flirts.
See if he's looking for ways to compliment you. Not all guys say: “You are so sexy” to show their interest in a girl. There are many more ways to flirt with compliments. If he's complimenting your eyes, your hair color, your laugh, or some cute trait in your personality, then he's definitely flirting with you. Even if he teases you a little when you're flirting, like "This is the most colorful sweater I've ever seen," you know he's still flirting. Not all guys are comfortable making direct compliments. This is where you need to be discerning. Even if everything looks ambiguous, it can still be flirting.
Pay attention to whether he looks into your eyes. If a guy is flirting with you, then he will look you in the eye in a conversation. If he likes you, he will be too engrossed in you to look anywhere else, check his phone, or look around for friends. If his eyes linger on yours, and then he gets nervous and breaks eye contact, maybe even with a small smile, this is a clear sign of his interest in you. He may also flirt with you by looking at you from across the room. If you catch him gawking at you, that might be his way of flirting too.
Look at his body language. If he turns his shoulders, arms, and feet toward you when you speak, instead of turning his body away from yours, he is trying to maintain an open posture and flirting with you for sure. Pay attention to where he holds his arms - on his sides or crossed over his chest, as well as where his body is facing. If his hands are relaxed, he does not turn away from you, and maybe even leans towards you - there is a high probability that he wants to get closer to you.
Notice if he touches his hair when he is with you. This is another key sign that he is flirting with you. If he likes you, then he will worry about how he looks and how you perceive him. And most of all, guys are worried about their hair. Take a closer look at how many times he puts his hand on his hair or how many times he rubs the back of his head with his hand the next time he meets. Some guys start playing with their hair in the presence of a girl they like. If so, he is clearly flirting with you.
Subtle trolling: why do men joke about women? What is the main idea and essence of jokes, how does male logic work at such moments?
I saw a post on social networks: a beautiful girl writes that she does not believe in friendship with men and will never have sex “out of friendship” with them. Then she laments that, as they say, there is no friendship with women either, and with whom, poor thing, should she be friends? Well, take it and write in the comments that, they say, you can try to be friends with your head. I joked, in general ... And I thought, why did I write this?
Why do men joke about women
I remembered the phrase that jokes are often hidden fear and hidden aggression. Such cowardly aggression. I didn't like this phrase at first. However, as I realized much later, in my case this was exactly the case. Fear, envy and malice.
Remember the very beginning in The Snow Queen? About the ugly evil Troll, who made a crooked mirror, where "everything good and beautiful decreased nowhere further, and everything bad and ugly stuck out and became even more disgusting." Then the students of the Troll wanted to raise this mirror to the very sky, it fell and shattered into billions of fragments. The fragments fell into people's eyes and hearts, and now these people saw everything in a bad light, and their hearts became colder than ice ...
For as long as I can remember, I was constantly “burning” and thought it was very cool. For every word I had two, I joked almost all the time, without days off and lunch breaks. Ugaga 24/7. Especially got to my wife, whom I endlessly teased. She was in pain, she said: “Nikitushka, why are you like this, don’t ...”. I replied: “What is it? It’s funny, it’s just a joke, nothing personal… Ha ha ha.”
And it was aggression. Humiliating her, I asserted myself at her expense. So it's easier to seem higher - when you lower the other. Especially if the wife is good. Next to this, either grow yourself, or ... tease. Same with friends, family and friends. To clarify honestly and directly the relationship, to say about my feelings, about what I don’t like, I didn’t know how, I couldn’t, I was afraid.
Here is the joke. Sneaky, on sore spots. And he himself believed that it was just a "joke of humor." But in fact, he laughed at his fear and problems, took revenge on people and life in such a sophisticated way.
True, I was not joking with those who could answer or otherwise fight back. It turns out that I intuitively understood that it was dangerous here.
And the first of April is generally a black day of the calendar. A real "Day of Evil".
Have you ever seen a "good April Fool's joke"? Well, so that the person would then be pleased? For example, money was wrapped in a roll of toilet paper, a person went to the toilet, began to unwind the roll - and the bill fell out from there, and no one confessed. Here's something I've never seen before.
But once I received a message from a girl that in a community whose goal was to support each other, they decided to help my family and chip in for an inexpensive car. I didn't track that April 1st. I cried with joy and gratitude. Literally. At that time I had two sick (one had a disability) small children. And there was no car. I cried. Told his wife. And received congratulations on April 1.
Another case: a person close to me sent a message that my phone account was replenished with a large amount. Then my phone was turned off: there was no money. It also turned out to be a joke. I cried again. It was very painful.
In general, for the last 10 years I have tried not to joke with people. True, witticisms are still being born in my head, but I do not voice them. Sometimes it's better to be silent than to speak. In extreme cases, if unbearable, you can go to specially designated places where some people “burn”, while others enjoy it and pay money. "Comedy Club" is the same. Everything is fair, no offense.
So why did I write something about friendship to a girl? Nothing. Just a joke. Nothing personal, it's funny...
And to be honest - yes, it was aggression.
First, I envied. She has more subscribers and likes than mine, although, in my opinion, she writes all sorts of nonsense.
Secondly, I got angry. The girl in the photo is beautiful and sexy. And out of male solidarity, I was immediately offended by the entire stronger sex. Here, I think, like sex "for friendship" - no, no, we are not friends with boys. And how to give a lift to the airport, assemble a wardrobe from Ikea - so here we are friends “do not spill water”!
Thirdly, I was offended that she seemed to personally show me: you are friends with beautiful girls just for the sake of sex. And this is not so! Rather, not quite so, there is some truth in this assumption. It's not about sex, of course (I'm married and I love my wife), but I really enjoy being "friends" with beautiful, kind and rich women, and I respond to their call for help with much more joy and willingness than to the requests of those ladies who do not have beauty, kindness and money, but really need my help.
It is clear that all my thoughts have nothing to do with this particular girl, maybe she had a post about something else. And all these feelings and internal disassemblies are my projections, and in this case I did not communicate with the girl, but with my sick head.
Is there "ecological" humor? In my opinion, yes it does. This is when you joke with love, and the other person is not hurt by your jokes. Or the object of humor is myself (but in this case, you should not forget about love). And if you joke, “but you don’t have love” - this is not humor, but fragments of a crooked Troll mirror.
