Starting a new life, or how to survive the departure of a girl. How to survive cat grooming? Survive the departure of a man

With the departure of a loved one, it begins to seem as if half of the heart has been cut off. I want to cry and feel sorry for myself. It is a completely natural desire that must be satisfied. But what to do then, how to survive the departure of a loved one? The feeling of loss from parting will disappear only when your soul is again filled with something meaningful.

Why is it so hard to come to terms with leaving

Attachment is the cause of a lot of experience. As a small child who cannot fall asleep without an expensive bear, you cannot find a place for yourself. At such a moment, the main thing is to maintain balance. No need to slide into one of the two extremes: do not blame your partner and do not think that the root of all troubles is hidden in you. It's not that you are ugly, fat or poor. There is no reason for love - you just love and you are loved. Everything else is from the evil one.

Third way

So, to start a new life, you must choose the following strategy: make the most of your position. You are no longer a baby who suddenly lost his mother - you are an adult woman. This situation is given to you for a reason. Destiny itself gives you time to grow up, to look around with a realistic look. After some time - a year or two - you will be able to see the true reasons for what happened. No wonder they say that the truth is seen at a distance.

Find your purpose

At the moment, you just have to accept adulthood. Someone, after such shocks, strikes into religion, someone begins to do charity work. In any case, it is important not to be isolated, but to openly interact with the world. Helping others you will feel satisfaction, and this, in turn, simply will not allow you to feel sorry for yourself - there is always someone nearby who is in a much worse situation.

Build your personal space

In order not to be betrayed in the future, you must first of all change your attitude towards yourself. Learn to limit yourself in some ways, and be condescending in some ways. Determine the boundaries that no one will have the right to cross. You can't be good for everyone and always step on the throat of your own song. You need to fight for your happiness. If you treat yourself with respect, you will never choose an unworthy person.

Don't be afraid of new relationships.... Treat men just like friends and do not build far-reaching plans on them, do not grab the first comer. You will not be left alone, because you yourself will be self-sufficient. And the most important thing is that you will finally find a worthy person, relations with whom will bring only joy.

After all, he once distinguished you from the crowd, and for a long time was clearly not indifferent to you. And suddenly, a cold look.

Despite everything that is boiling in the soul, you need to learn how to get out with dignity even from such situations. How to survive the departure of a loved one? Don't let melancholy and depression ruin your whole life!

When a man leaves a woman, it is impossible to convey in words her emotional experiences. The only thought that can be clearly traced at this time is to return a dear person at any cost. But why?

Yes, this situation is like a catastrophe for you. Now you are sure that life is over, there will never be more joy and this man is the last in your now lonely existence. You love him and you don't need anyone else. You start to relive the story of separation over and over again. And, in the end, you may even fall into a kind of masochism, secretly enjoying being the victim of a scoundrel.

« Forgive and let go“, - as it is sung in the song.

Often with this comes an uninvited sense of guilt.

The woman assures herself that the man left because she did not live up to his hopes. Surely she misbehaved or began to pay too little attention to her appearance. Or maybe she was busy and did not notice that the man did not have enough care. As a result of such torment, self-esteem drops sharply and the uncertainty about attractiveness to the opposite sex becomes more and more intense.

1. You can not pursue, start endless investigations - "why" and "who is to blame", cut off the phone, write messages and fill up the email inbox with letters, watch out on the street. Such activity will not lead to positive results.
2. You need to experiment. Many women who have experienced a breakup are advised to radically change their image, for example, turn a strict chestnut haircut into golden curls. Men choose other paths: one "ex-husband" after the departure of his wife completely changed the situation in the apartment.
3. Try to create. Have you ever dreamed of mastering the guitar or dancing flamenco, but never had enough time? The moment has come - sign up for courses immediately, find a dance studio. At first it will be difficult, but it is these difficulties that will distract from the experiences. And who knows, maybe soon you will compose a beautiful lyric song or express your love and hope in a dance.

« Parting is always a nervous stress. From the outside it seems well that it is easy to take and release such a thing, but for someone who loves it is very difficult to decide on it. I have to look for a hobby, take all my time“, - a statement from the forum.

What to do when a loved one is gone

With the departure of a man, you fully begin to feel your own loneliness. Whatever it was, but you communicated. And now there is simply no one to talk to. Silence reigns in the house. And you are afraid of her. There used to be an opportunity to talk. Exchange news, have a fight when you feel annoyed. But now there is emptiness around you. And she emphasizes the loss of something important. At first, you are haunted by the fear that this will last forever. But gradually you get used to it and begin to perceive loneliness as something normal.

Stop feeling complexes and think that new opportunities have opened up in front of you. The man's departure brought you an unexpected gift - a lot of free time and the opportunity to make new acquaintances. And you can only spend it for your own pleasure. Yes, of course, as long as you are alone. But on the other hand, you are not responsible to anyone. Your life belongs only to you. Go shopping. Shake it up. Do something interesting.

« How to survive? Yes, they experience differently ... who is like ... It all depends on the approach to the situation. Those who perceive the situation only from a negative point of view are usually depressing ... In general, nothing good ... Those who have enough strength, then throw themselves into work, into extreme ... And there are those who find positive in such a situation. Those. say thank you to fate for the happy moments in your life and move on ... Life goes on)))“, - advice from the forum.

Once you understand that there are benefits to breaking up, you will gain confidence in yourself. And you will soon understand - this man was not the only one on the planet. There are so many interesting men around. And in order to choose the right one, there is no need to fill your head with thoughts that it is high time to forget!

Thinking about what to write in the next issue, I came across a note about how difficult it is to survive the death of a beloved pet. The topic is unpleasant, but it just so happened that this year it is very acute, including for me. This year I lost several cats at once.

It's very hard to come to terms with the departure of your pets, because for most of us they are not just cats and not just dogs. They are members of our families, the most full-fledged, perhaps even much more full-fledged, than some blood relatives who rarely remember our existence.

Pets together with us experience every moment of our life, both joyful and not so. We get used to take care of them, and they take care of us. They make adjustments to our daily routine, and we can no longer imagine our life without them. But what can you do, their average life expectancy is not comparable to ours.

Loneliness, guilt and emptiness

The death of a beloved cat or dog, sudden or which was preceded by a long illness, the result of an accident or the natural outcome of all life on earth, is very difficult to survive. And you cannot prepare for this.

A close invisible connection is established between the owner and the animal, which can be very difficult for outsiders to understand. It cannot be explained, it defies logic, but when the life of the bearer of this connection is interrupted, for the other side it is unbearable.

After losing a pet, we may feel lonely. There is a vacuum and pain inside us. The realization that there is no longer a being who loved us with all their heart and was devoted to us.

Do not keep everything to yourself, talk to friends and family about what happened, speak up. Just keep in mind that there is a possibility of stumbling upon a wall of misunderstanding, because not everyone is serious and has warm feelings for pets. Therefore, as the interlocutor, choose a person with similar views or someone who himself recently experienced a loss.

Don't hold yourself back. If you want to cry, cry. It is much worse to accumulate all this in oneself. Don't be afraid to show your loved ones your emotions. Close people and close ones, they must understand you. Suppressing feelings will only prolong the period of grief. Which can ultimately lead to depression. Tears are a way to relieve stress, not weakness.

Do not blame yourself for what happened! Do not think about "what would have happened if I ..." Can we already fix something? Feelings of guilt are a natural reaction in this situation. But we cannot resurrect an animal and, by tormenting ourselves in this way, we are not able to change anything.

What we can do is draw certain conclusions for the future and gain experience. If the cat needed veterinary care, and we did not have time to take her to the veterinarian, because were busy - in the future we must be more operational. If the cat jumped out of the window, in the future we must follow basic safety rules and not repeat mistakes.

Don't torment yourself

Psychologists say that a person needs at least 1 year to realize and accept the death of a loved one. Of course, a pet is not a human being, but feelings about its death can be just as intense and emotional.

First, hide your cat's belongings: bowls, litter box, food, toys, beds, favorite blanket or bedspread. Otherwise, passing by every time, you will remember the tragedy that happened. I know that this is very difficult to do - to hide and, even more so, to throw out the objects that belonged to the cat that has gone beyond the rainbow. It almost seems like a betrayal to her. But, unfortunately, we are unable to fix anything and turn back the clock.

To make it easier to survive the loss, it is worth removing the pet's things from the field of view, otherwise the very fact of their presence wakes you up. After that, we will remember for a long time about the cat all the good that was in our life together. For now, we just have to try to cope with her departure.

Secondly, when thinking about your favorite, remember only the bright moments of her life: her pranks, how you played with her, how funny she was.

You can't constantly scroll through her last days, minutes and seconds in your head. Although I know how difficult it is. It seems that the last days, minutes and seconds are scrolling by themselves in the head and it is useless to resist.

Engaging in a hobby can help distract you. You may want to try yourself as a volunteer for the animal rights society at least for a while.

Try changing the habits that have been associated with the cat. If she liked to jump on your lap when you were sitting in a chair, sit on a couch or other chair.

In the first time after the death of a beloved cat, it can be difficult to concentrate on work, a stupor sets in. The same applies to driving a vehicle. Be extremely careful and at first refrain from independent travel by car.

Think about the fact that your cat has lived a happy life, albeit sometimes not very long, because you took care of her and loved her. She did not live on the street, did not starve. She slept in a ball next to her beloved owner, sang songs to him, had fun, she had everything she needed.

We do not know what is further beyond the line of life and death. Death is a bullet or endless ellipsis. I believe that somewhere out there, animals that have left us continue to live in another reality unknown to us. I believe that one day we will meet there. Or here, if they are reborn again.

By the way, many believe that animals are reborn and come back to their owners with another cat or another dog. Maybe your cat in six months will sit under your door in the form of a tiny kitten. Take a closer look at it and don't pass by!

New pet

After the death of a pet, some renounce the appearance of a new cat in the house. Others, on the contrary, immediately rush to find a new kitten. I do not want to argue that only a specific model of behavior is correct - everything is individual. But still, I would like to recommend waiting a little before a new resident or resident crosses the threshold of the house. Give yourself time to at least start doing your job so that the arrival of a new pet does not bring up painful memories of the deceased cat in you.

Be sure to keep in mind that your new cat will most likely not look like the cat you lost. Do not compare or draw parallels.

A new cat deserves to be loved for her personality and her character, and not because she resembles a deceased animal in some way. Yes, she is not a copy of a departed cat, but she should be.

I have been approached more than once by people who have just lost a cat. They wanted to get a kitten of exactly the same breed, exactly the same color and exactly the same sex, and as soon as possible. I always try to persuade potential owners not to take the exact same kitten. You can opt for a different color or other field of the animal, if the breed is extremely important. But to take exactly the same cat, it seems to me, is wrong. Unfortunately, often the fate of kittens - "copies" of departed cats, which were taken as an antidepressant, did not develop in the best way. Perhaps this is a sign for me. And now I very carefully offer kittens to people who want to replace a particular deceased cat in their life.

Indeed, in this case, it is highly likely that the owners will constantly compare the new kitten with their deceased cat. Often, the behavior and habits of a new cat in this case can be annoying, because the owner expects that the cat will be like two drops of water similar to the animal that has gone beyond the rainbow.

In this case, it will be much more difficult to love a new kitten, because it is unlikely that he will be an exact copy of the previous animal, both externally and in behavior and character. And he deserves to be loved. Loved just like that, and not because he looks like someone.

Therefore, if you decide to take a new kitten and are mentally ready for this, of course, look for your new pet. Or maybe he himself will find you. It will make it easier to deal with the loss. But just do not substitute them for the animal that has gone beyond the rainbow. And do it consciously. After all, you can't fall in love by order, but a new cat deserves to be loved the way it is.

Irina Kostyuchenko, felinologist

When the One with whom you intended to raise children, build a house and while away old age betrays, it becomes not only offensive, but also disastrously painful.

The departure of a loved one is an ordeal for everyone, and it is not easy to survive.

Shock gives way to rage, resentment - to hatred, and along with longing comes the horror of impending loneliness. How to deal with it?

Method 1. Try to find positive points in this unpleasant situation.

At first glance, it seems that life has changed forever and precisely for the worse.

But not everything is so simple: any change in landmarks, satellites and priorities opens up new opportunities. Now you have a blank sheet in front of you, and you are able to paint it in any colors you like!

This is a chance to do it all over again, get a different life experience and come to a different destination. When you can survive the departure of your loved one, you will be reborn like a phoenix in a completely new, unique guise.

In a few years, sitting in the arms of another loved one, looking at beautiful children and a cozy home, you will be grateful to your ex. After all, thanks to his departure, you have a chance to live life like this - in love, support, care, mutual understanding.

Method 2. Cry as much as you like

This is not a shame and helps a lot. Having bought a bottle of wine and a bucket of ice cream and turned on a tearful melodrama, cry at night on the fly.

Invite your friends to cry with you - let this dramatic story turn into a stormy pajama party under the slogan "All men are good ...".

Just set aside a specific time for suffering - a week, two, no more. And after that, considering that you have cried enough already, put a bullet and throw your lover's things into the dustbin of history.

Method 3. Do not resist fate

Do not try to restrain the fugitive - not by tears, not by blackmail, not by reproaches, not by accusations. He decided so, and you can take his choice in an adult way.

Some fatalism will not hurt here. This means that it was not your fate, but someone else's.

For you, this person was only a stop on a long journey, and not his ultimate goal. It was a valuable experience that changed you, empowered you with wisdom and strength.

Method 4. Meet, communicate. Re-master the world around you

The departure of a loved one is not at all a reason to treat everyone with distrust. It doesn't matter if it was a betrayal, betrayal or a simple parting "because I fell out of love."

Don't look at the opposite sex as a potential bully. You have been hurt, but there is no reason to aggressively rush at people, release thorns and wait for a catch from the first comer.

Look for a new company, at least temporary.

Method 5. Forgive him

It will take tremendous willpower to truly give your forgiveness. After all, now anger and a thirst for revenge burns in you, and not at all a desire to "bless on all four sides."

Talk to the abuser in a calm tone, finding out the real reasons for the act. Having learned them, you will be able to soberly assess the situation, visit him in his shoes and understand something.

Method 6. Remember the good

Hatred obscures the mind and interferes with movement forward, it limits you, does not allow you to open your eyes and see the beautiful world.

But if you fetch glorious moments from your shared past from your memory, you can replace rage with mild sadness, nostalgia for the past, longing for unfulfilled plans, and even gratitude for the good times.

Method 7. Don't let this situation break you!

Let's say your beloved has gone to another: an insidious, insulting, treacherous act. And living with this is difficult, almost impossible - you want to get depressed, quit your job, turn off your phone and feel sorry for yourself.

Include selfishness, love yourself first, and only then him and everyone else... Say out loud that you simply have no right to ruin your life because of some fool and bastard: after all, this would be the final defeat from him and “that other”.

Method 8. Replace the ex

When a loved one has left your life, it is not easy to go through it also because an extra emptiness appears around.

The vacant place needs to be filled with something, and urgently. You can replace your beloved not only with another guy, but also with any interesting activity.

Instead of family evenings, you will have a workout in the fitness center, instead of going to a restaurant, you will have a gathering at a friend's house, and on weekends you will not go to the forest, but will do drawing, sewing or other hobbies.

Get a dog or cat to take care of, this is still a need for you. Go shopping, buy beautiful things, travel.

Now you can afford everything that you did not do because He was against or busy.

Method 9. Understand why you find it so hard to come to terms with the departure of your loved one.

Most often, habit becomes decisive in this matter.... You have become attached to a person, accustomed to the established form of your joint existence, by inertia you strive for common goals ...

But now you have to step out of your comfort zone and re-master the world. Set your own goals, make your dreams and plans come true.

The second good reason is fear loneliness. Together it was not so scary to confront the cruel world, there was always a strong rear behind. But now you are on your own, you will have to become stronger and more independent.

Do not be afraid: both factors only temper you, turning you into a staunch soldier. Sometimes you just need to shake off your habits, cut off the ends, throw off the ballast and start managing your destiny!

And if you were wrong, what if it was your mistake that caused him to leave? How to become loved again for a man, desired and the best in the world? How to get your beloved back? I offer several options for the most common female mistakes that repel men. If you know them, then you will never allow it, and your man will always be with you.

Firstly, if all the same misfortune happened, and your chosen one left, then you should not get depressed and feel sorry for yourself. A couple of days is enough for experiencing, then you should be angry with this "goat" and "freak" who did not appreciate all your actions and left you so heartlessly. So take it easy, life goes on! Don't beg a man to come back to you. You're a woman, man! You have self-esteem and respect! In addition, the well-known phrase "come back, I will forgive everything" means that he is to blame for something, and you are making a gesture of goodwill. Upon returning, your beloved will feel his guilt, which does not exist. You yourself have not changed, and you invite him to return to the relationship from which he fled. You should not beg to return a man if you are driven by self-pity and resentment, and not a meaningful desire to be with a man, and to do something in order to be the girl of his dreams.

Never use pity and blackmail. Don't write him sms, letters, don't call, and don't tell him how lonely you are, it's bad that you can't see your life without him. For these purposes, your girlfriend is better suited, who will listen, support and advise. Men are repulsed by pity. They like confident, bold and independent girls. Never blame a man for breaking up, this is also a sign of self-pity and weakness. When meeting with friends, relatives, try not to touch on the topic of your breakup. Do not say that he is to blame for everything. Hysteria, aggression, revenge, insults on your part will only once again confirm to the man that he made the right choice by leaving you. Just say that you do not regret anything, the relationship was and passed.

Never blackmail your ex with words, things, not children, if any. Putting pressure on paternal feelings in the desire to return a man is the last thing. Yes, perhaps you will return him to your family for a short period of time, but this will not restore your relationship, love and warm emotions. Never ask him about the one to whom he left. Do not look for meetings with her, do not call or write. Understand that the comparison may not be in your favor, then it will hurt you even more. In addition, she will definitely tell your man about this, and he will take her side. All you have to do at the moment is to let it go and wait a while. To understand if this is the hero of your novel, or just a habit? Wait for time, and you will understand if it is worth all your worries and efforts to bring it back. And during this time, you can work on yourself, both externally and internally, change for the better, and become a real woman. It is important to understand that you can return a man, but your relationship will never be the same as before. You will have to become new, different, to build your relationship in a completely different way. Or find yourself another. But, if you don’t change anything in yourself, don’t draw the appropriate conclusions, then you risk stepping on the “same rake” again. So, it's time to draw conclusions and learn from your mistakes.

Stop thinking about him! Do something else, find yourself a fun activity during which you will not think about the past and the past. It's not easy, but if you succeed, it will immediately become easier. A wonderful way to forget about what happened will be a vacation, a trip out of town, a change of scenery. If you have sad thoughts, then switch to the positive. Think that everything is fine with you, that you are beautiful, successful, healthy. If you happen to meet or call your ex, pretend that everything is fine with you, be cheerful, smile, tell him about your new hobbies. You can lie a little to make it more believable. But, you should not immediately talk about your successes in the love field, talk about how much and with whom you were on a date and what they gave you. A man will immediately understand that you are saying this out of anger. It is much better if he learns about significant changes in your life from third parties.