Critical periods of family life psychology of crises. Family life crises: no one is safe from them

Family crises. How to get around and prevent?

Some families, faced with difficulties, immediately flee from each other. Others are trying to figure out the reasons and overcome difficult times.

The family is like a sports team. It must have one captain, the players act together, and the team must fight against rivals - life circumstances, and not against each other. But often, due to mutual disagreements, the players score a goal into their own goal, the team falls apart and the game ends!

Many psychologists agree that the crises of family life are not a fiction, a stereotype, they really exist, have quite objective reasons for that and a certain frequency of occurrence.

1 year - Washing-lapping

Myth: Life destroys everything.

The first year of family life plunges many families into an unexpectedly piled-up life. The acute feeling of falling in love passes, and it is replaced by calmness, monotony and regularity. Gallant princes turn into couch slickers, and beautiful ladies turn into ordinary cooks. A period of mutual unjustified expectations and accusations of lack of independence begins. This reality scares many. Therefore, especially those who are not prepared for being so close in their lives, and even with their own rules and human habits, give up right at the start.

Psychologist Anetta Orlova: During the year, young spouses get to know each other in a new way, distribute the responsibilities that have appeared, divide the resulting space. It is also important to take into account the fact that the newly-made husband and wife bring certain scenarios of life and expectations from marriage from their childhood. So, if they were the eldest children in their families, then both would strive for leadership. And vice versa, the "youngest" already in adulthood will demand care and attention. If the spouses know how to listen and hear each other, if their values ​​are similar, and also if their feelings have not yet calmed down, then they will pass the first turn on the joint path without any problems. And the result of the "new acquaintance" will be a contract, the "pages" of which will gradually fill with everyday trifles, and the husband and wife will learn to better understand each other.

Exit: If people decide to marry solely for love, then the period of mutual household grinding will be as painless as possible. Such a first test for endurance can really show who is ready for such a crucial step, and whose fairytale castles were illusory, made of sand.

3 years - addition

Myth: A child will ruin everything.

Most often, it is after 3-4 years that a baby appears in a young family. And this fact usually becomes not a "strengthener" of relations, but a litmus test for their strength. Spouses have new responsibilities. If someone does not cope with the piled responsibility, blames the upbringing process on another, or, on the contrary, independently makes all decisions concerning the child, then inevitable problems arise.

Psychologist Anetta Orlova: A crisis at this stage of life can be associated with several circumstances. First, vivid feelings quietly calm down (as the Frenchman Beigbeder said: “Love lives for three years”). Secondly, around this time, the spouses begin to seriously think about children or are already becoming parents. The fact is that the words "We will have a child" carry not only joy, but also excitement and fears. All thoughts of the future mother are devoted to the baby, while the needs of the spouse fade into the background. And a man at this time more than ever needs the support of his wife, because with the birth of a new family member, he has new responsibilities and additional responsibilities. Pregnancy makes its own adjustments in sex life. Spouses are worried that they will harm or interfere with the child, and after the birth of the baby, some women do not even want to think about sex. In this regard, the likelihood that a man will start a relationship on the side increases. At the stage of pregnancy planning, it is important to discuss the upcoming changes, jointly plan a budget, and draw pictures of the future life. And when the family replenishes, it is important to involve the man in caring for the baby. Don't forget that a good dad is, first of all, a successful mom's project.

Exit: Much depends on the woman. If she can find strength in herself both for her husband and for the child and not turn into a grumpy, eternally tired creature at a crucial moment, then the crisis can be avoided. Do not forget about married life, in your free time from children's worries, give warmth and attention to your loved one.

7 years old - Ordinary

Myth: Cheating in marriage is indispensable.

The child has grown up and now does not require every minute attention. Spouses get tired of each other, nothing new happens in their world. A woman misses romantic courtship, and a man wants to feel a little free again. Family ties can look like fetters from which you want to break free. To save the relationship, many decide to have a second child during this period. As a rule, in such a tense atmosphere, this step does not bring salvation.

Psychologist Anetta Orlova: A difficult part of the family path is associated with the extinction of emotions in the sexual sphere, because earlier, after a violent quarrel between husband and wife, there was an equally violent reconciliation in bed. Sexual attraction was an additional strengthening of the family. Often at this stage, the emphasis from the marital sphere is increasingly shifting to the parent-child relationship, as the baby prepares to enter school. Every year, the worries associated with children will only increase: will they make friends with someone, will they find themselves, will they not fall into bad company.

Exit: So during this period, spouses often move away from each other, it is important for them to find new common points of contact, but without encroaching on each other's personal space. Common interests, common goals, because what interested and connected them at the initial stage of relations may already remain in the distant past.

13-14 years old - And nothing else?

Myth: At 40, there is no life.

The children have grown up, the profession has been acquired, the house has been built. Life is going according to the planned scenario, which hardly presupposes something new and interesting. It seems that everything is left behind. All romantic moments passed, they talked on all topics, quarreled on all occasions. There is a personal reassessment of values. The fear that all life is left behind, and so much is left to be done, pushes people to adventure. In search of new emotions, the spouses go to the side.

Psychologist Anetta Orlova: This time of family life can also coincide with the midlife crisis of the spouses. Husband and wife evaluate their experience, look at the present from the standpoint of new knowledge, remember the past, regret what they failed to accomplish. At the age of 35-40, we begin to talk about the meaning of life, about goals, about harmony that we managed or failed to feel. In this regard, the question may arise: "Have I lived with that person for so many years?" During this period, spouses need to outline common goals, but take into account each other's interests, not require constant attention to themselves, and give their strength for the sake of family happiness. Certain difficulties are also associated with the fact that matured children are increasingly declaring their independence to their parents. After all, if a husband and wife have performed parental functions for many years, forgetting about their own interests, then it is not easy for them to come to terms with new circumstances. The question arises: "What are we together for if the children no longer need our care?" In addition, the sexual activity of men is gradually decreasing. Realizing that the resource is limited, some of them start looking for young partners, but if the husband and wife manage to maintain closeness, then at this stage their relationship will only get stronger. By the way, it is at the stage of the "empty nest" that many begin life, as they say, to the fullest: they travel, take care of themselves, enjoy solitude.

Exit: By this period, the spouses should have already learned patience and be able to forgive and understand their partner. The midlife crisis affects both men and women. But both must learn to look for something new in life, as well as solve problems together, without shifting responsibility. Moreover, at this stage, the example of parental relationships plays a special role in the development of attitudes towards the family in children.

7 dangerous signals of family crises:

Quarrels either happen all the time, every day, every minute, or you don't quarrel at all.

Important decisions are made by the spouses separately, without discussion.

Workaholism. Women stop paying attention to themselves, devoting all their time to family and childcare. Men immerse themselves in work, completely not taking part in the life of the family.

Evasion of one of the partners from intimacy.

Lack of desire to do anything for a partner (help, take care, make joint decisions, spend free time together).

Complete delineation of personal space. Completely separate vacation, lack of mutual friends, lack of common interests.

One of the spouses believes that he is oppressed, and he is forced to constantly give in to the other.

Don't panic!

Of course, all this does not mean that it is during these periods that a family crisis must be expected, even if an even, warm atmosphere reigns in the family. Very often problems in a family are associated with the personality crises of one of its members and with a lack of love. Difficulties at work, personal lack of fulfillment, conflicts with colleagues, illness of one of their family members - all this can create a split in one family, and, on the contrary, bring them closer together in another.

But it is important to understand that everything is in your hands. A family crisis is like a cold - the main thing is to see the symptoms in time, make a diagnosis and take action!

The music stopped, the guests dispersed and the wedding dress found its place in the closet. Now family life begins. By creating a family, a man and a woman enter into marriage with their own ideas about life together, which to a large extent developed in childhood, in the parental family. Each spouse has his own habits, his own experience, foundations, customs, family traditions. Each of the spouses will strive to bring their own piece to their new family. It will take time for the newly minted husband and wife to learn to compromise, understand and accept each other, with merits and demerits.

Metaphorically speaking, family life resembles waves of the sea - crises occur at the peak, and periods of calm and adaptation to new changes during the recession. Crises in the relationship of spouses occur throughout life. And you should not be afraid of them, as spouses need them in order for the relationship to be "alive" and to develop, helping to build the future, and to value each other. So what is a crisis?

A crisis is an inevitable event in reaching a radically new level of development.

Are there ways out of the crisis?

Yes, absolutely. One of which: the transition to a new stage of development and the second - the breakdown of relations. There are also painful exits - in fact, not exits, but Departures from solving real problems or delaying decision-making: this is treason, addiction, serious illness, etc.

Symptoms of the crisis for which it is necessary to sound the alarm:

• One of the partners or both deviate from intimacy. Sexologists believe that discord in sexual life is one of the first signs of, if not a crisis, then problems in a relationship.
• The so-called calm before the storm: when the spouses stop swearing altogether, but at the same time communicate and spend time together - everyone is on his own. This is dangerous because the spouses will simply lose interest in each other, and it will be better and more interesting for them to spend time with other people.
• Spouses no longer seek to please each other.
• All issues related to the upbringing of children provoke quarrels and mutual reproaches.
• Spouses do not have the same opinion about most of the issues that matter to them (relationships with family and friends, plans for the future, distribution of family income, etc.).
• One of the spouses "withdraws into himself", usually it is the husband. He ceases to participate in solving everyday problems and in the life of the family in general. Often he immerses himself in work, is constantly delayed, behaves distantly.
• The logical consequence of the previous one will be that the wife completely forgets about herself and goes headlong into solving family matters, completely devotes herself to the family and becomes like a draft horse. She works, drags the whole life on herself, takes care of her husband and children.
• Husband and wife have little or no understanding of each other's feelings.
• Almost all actions and words of a partner are irritating.
• One of the spouses believes that he is forced to give in to the desires and opinions of the other all the time.
• There is no need to share your problems and joys with your partner.

The first crisis, what is it?

The first, which psychologists dubbed the crisis of the first year, is associated with a period of mutual "grinding" of newlyweds. The transition from the candy-bouquet period to living together. According to statistics, about half of all married marriages break up after the first year of marriage. Newly made spouses do not stand the test of "everyday life". Disagreements may relate to the distribution of responsibilities, the unwillingness of partners to change their habits. Inability or unwillingness to establish contact with the partner's parents.

The crisis at the birth of the first child entails the emergence of new roles: now not only husband and wife, but also dad and mom. This difficult period is also known as a crisis of 3 years in a relationship, as after 3 years a child often appears in the family.

The period of 7 years is a "new" round of monotony and routine associated with such a phenomenon as addiction. If the routine of the crisis of 3 years of relations was dispelled by the rallying of spouses in front of new long-term strategic tasks, then by the age of 7 all these questions no longer attract newness and instead of excitement cause melancholy and disgust. It is not uncommon for spouses to feel disappointed when comparing reality to what it was imagined in dreams a few years ago. Spouses begin to think that now all their lives will be the same, they want something new, unusual, fresh sensations. The children have already grown up. By the 7-year term, a family is already a large household and a complex organism: the more people in the family, the more different interweaving, conflicting needs, and clashes of interests. A crisis always makes things worse. Therefore, the better the relationship is built, the more firmly you managed to build emotional closeness and learn to negotiate in times of past disagreements, the easier it is to overcome the crisis, and vice versa.

15-20 years pass, the spouses, having gone through the previous difficulties, live enjoying family life floating with the flow and here again a new everyday reef. Which can often be exacerbated by a midlife crisis in one of the spouses. There is a frightening feeling that everything has already been achieved, everything has happened, both in the personal and professional spheres, there is a fear of aging ... The next crisis can be conventionally called the "empty nest crisis", this is an important period in the life of a family: when adult children leave it. Spouses are deprived of their main "leading" activity - raising children. They must learn to live together again, to pay attention to each other. And women, who were engaged exclusively in children and at home, need to acquire new life tasks and goals. It is not uncommon during this period that husbands leave for young mistresses.

How to overcome the crisis of living together?

If a close relationship has developed between the spouses, if they love each other, that is, respect, value, listen to the opinion of the other, then any conflict is just part of their joint desire for mutual understanding. Don't panic about the crisis. Many families pass them without thinking or suspecting what it is. They simply overcome the difficulties that have arisen. Successful resolution of the crisis is the key to the further development of the family and a necessary factor in the effective living of subsequent stages.

Each crisis is a leap forward, going beyond the boundaries of old relationships. A crisis in a relationship helps spouses see not only the negative, but also the valuable that unites and binds them. Meanwhile, parting is more likely a consequence of a mishandled crisis.

In order to overcome this critical moment in family life, you will need the willingness of both spouses, mutual desire and, as usual, patience and support.

If one of the spouses considers divorce as a way out, and the other does not agree with this, it is necessary to take a "time-out". Perhaps the spouses should leave for a while, relax and think (3-4 days, a week) in order to understand themselves, their feelings, desires and aspirations. Think, is everything really so bad, can it really be that all the good things that happened between you can be so easily crossed out? Try to refresh feelings, emotions, diversify relationships, down with dullness and routine. Think about romance, change your hairstyle, style or interior in the apartment, find a new hobby for both of you and do not forget about joint leisure and relaxation. You will always have time to get a divorce, but it is still worth trying to reunite the family.

Another way to deal with a crisis is to see a family counselor. Many people think that a heart-to-heart conversation with friends in the kitchen will help find a solution, but remember that friends will provide emotional support, but not a way to solve the problem, since their advice comes through the prism of their own life experiences.

Golden rules to help you get through crises in family relationships more easily:

• Learn to talk about the difficulties and problems that have arisen. It is very important to start a conversation on time, not to turn away from the troubles that have arisen, not to accumulate them, not to remain silent.
• Do not generalize, even if you speak in anger, do not cross the line, which you will later regret.
• Talk about your feelings, experiences, do not make claims (instead of "you always ...", "you are to blame ...", say "I feel ...", "it upsets me when you ...").
• If at least one is frightened or is in strong emotional excitement, the situation can get out of control, in such cases, you should not aggravate the situation, wait it out, or you need to contact specialists (family psychologists).

You should not be afraid of a crisis, because this is an indicator of the normal development of relations. And all this information will be useful to those who have already entered into a marriage bond or are just planning. Think about it and take care of your loved ones!

How to overcome the crises in the family that occur throughout the family life of every person. Thanks to real stories, we will get to know how the periods look like when coexistence "hangs" by a thread. And with the help of the advice of psychologists, we will learn how to solve the current dangerous situation in a peaceful way and without consequences for family relations.

What is a crisis

When we hear this word "crisis", then we involuntarily begin to panic. It is associated with negativity, problems and consequences. Indeed, we use it in the most difficult moments.

1. Economic and when it comes, there is a nightmare, horror on the stock exchanges. One currency rises, another falls, and there is an imbalance between production and sales. Think of the Great Depression in the United States in the 1930s. How many people lost their jobs turned out to be behind the fence of enterprises. Hunger began, there was nothing to drown or cook with. In short, the situation was disastrous.
2. Another crisis of concern is arterial. During a hypertensive crisis (as the condition is called in medicine), a person's blood pressure rises greatly, heart malfunctions occur, and vasospasm develops. As a result, stroke, microstroke, heart attack. The condition often becomes fatal and the person dies.
3. There is a political crisis in which misunderstandings arise not only between heads of state, but also between countries.

But an ordinary person is most worried about another, and, perhaps, the most vital crisis for him in family life.

Why does a family crisis arise?

In psychology, a crisis in family relationships is interpreted as follows - "an imbalance of correspondence between the possibilities and ways of overcoming accumulated problems by a husband and wife, the absence of ways to solve complex issues." That is, in simple terms, there is a misunderstanding, it is violated, and there is no longer any desire and strength to restore the connection between the spouses. Psychologists distinguish two types of crisis in family life: developmental and situational crises.

As for the development crisis, it occurs throughout the family life. The same birth of a baby, grown-up children, their marriage and marriage, retirement and other moments create a crisis situation, a reaction in the form of misunderstanding. But they accompany all families without exception. The second type is situational, which occurs in such cases as:

• marriage;
• forming a family, establishing moral and spiritual perception of each other;
• the birth of a child (children);
• the stage of growing up of daughters and sons, a clear differentiation of generations;
• parting with children, leaving for a separate life;
• cyclicality.

Like any living creature, the family also has its own stages of development. In it there is a birth, growth, the same "childish, youthful, young" period, then growing up, old age and wilting. And it is natural that during the transition from one period to another, it undergoes difficulties. Let's remember what happens to our body when the next stages of development comprehend us.

1. In childhood, our teeth fall out, we begin to perceive everything differently.
2. In adolescence, a stage of distrust arises, a desire to run away anywhere, so long as we are not tormented by strange thoughts associated with puberty.
3. Youth is the best thing that can be. We enjoy every day, we want to stay longer at this age, we make a lot of acquaintances. At the same time, disappointment comprehends us, we begin to understand people better, we face certain tasks, because of which we get lost, we are afraid of innovations. Further, a continuous routine - to plow, plow, plow.
4. Because of the birth of children, a colossal responsibility falls on us. And there is not a second that we can devote ourselves to our loved ones.
5. Then old age. It's time when all living things wither in nature. It's the same with us. We start complaining about this and that. Life gradually flows out of us and nothing can be done about it.

And each stage causes fears, apprehensions, confusion. We are in conflict because we do not know how to resist changes in our destiny. And this is normal - after all, a person reacts in front of the unknown only in this way - he is indignant, challenges. The same thing happens with the family. And its integrity depends on how the couple is able to withstand the challenges of each new stage. Moreover, the ability to resist trials is reflected in all generations.

Family life crises

You may have noticed that children repeat the fate of their parents. No, we are not saying that everyone copies the life of their ancestors under tracing paper. But for the most part, children still adopt the habits and traditions of their parents, and their life develops in about the same way. And whoever managed to change the situation, did not fold his hands and was able to get out of the situation with the least losses, he will be able to live to the end of his days surrounded by loving and happy family members.

The first months after the wedding. Well, the weddings played out, family everyday life began. Before that, each of the couple was a son and a daughter, and now they are husband and wife - adults, independent people. You need to learn to live with each other. These are not those meetings and partings at the entrance. Now, from morning to morning, they are there.

And what happens when a stranger, even a loved one, sticks around all the time - this is annoying. And what is unpleasant - family life provides for a different routine of life. You can't hang around in nightclubs all the time, friends and companies are fading away. Now there are obligations - to come home on time to take out the trash, cook food, wash shirts, iron them. That is, from the pool of parties, loud music, rivers of cocktails and fun, there is a sharp shift into silence and tranquility.

If for older people it is a pleasure, for active youth it is sheer horror. The whole situation suggests that entertainment has remained beyond the threshold, now it is the turn of the ordinary and routine. And if in the previous life the parents did everything for the young, now everything has to be done by themselves. But how difficult it is to remake yourself. Every now and then we have to repeat requests to each other “Well, cook something normal, edible, stop ordering pizza, fry eggs!”. “Will you take out the trash when you get out? It will soon smell all over the house! ”,“ Why did you spend money on beer and your gambling again ”. The list of claims is endless.

What to do. In essence, although they are married, they are still children who have just crawled out from under the wing of compassionate mothers and generous daddies. Help them to stand on their "legs", give advice, and if necessary, help in terms of cleaning and cooking.

If you are not pregnant yet, keep chatting with your friends. In the case when a cheerful life is contraindicated for a wife, a man should not leave her alone. We decided to tie fate with each other, then the difficult stages must be experienced together. Invite friends into your house, but not often. Do not make a meeting apartment out of your home.

Get used to marriage a little and refuse everything that interferes with comprehending the new status. Walk more often, do not sit at home. Distribute the work evenly. Make a schedule and do everything together. You need to survive the first few months and then everything will go like clockwork.

The crisis is three years old. Before and after the wedding, we see only positive traits in each other. She is so beautiful, he is the most courageous in my life. But there comes a moment when people get used to each other and the moment of "admiration" leaves. Husband and wife see flaws in everyone. And conflicts arise for the slightest reason.

If earlier she watched with delight how he mumbled appetizingly, tasting her soup, now there is a reason to point out to him his bad manners, lack of etiquette. And the spouse, who could not tear himself away from her cutlets, now and then points out that she sometimes burns them, or salted them. In short, there comes a moment of fatigue from each other. And living together is more like a pendulum, the arrow of which tends to one side or the other, to plus and minus.

What to do. This requires endurance and wisdom. The main thing is to stop in a fit of anger and think whether it is worth so indignant because of some absurdity. Stop criticizing each other, calm down and try to remember the virtues for which you were able to fall in love with your soul mate.

This stage is more typical of men than women. There is a moment when the spouse gets tired of his chosen one. He wants something new, fresh. Newness is required, thanks to which he will again feel his sexual energy and will be able to receive the heat of passions, feelings, sensations. And that's okay, don't judge anyone. Remember that men are naturally polygamous. It was life that arranged that he lives with one woman, but owes many.

And in order to continue offspring to the world, he needs an incentive. So his nature is rebelling. The wife can find lipstick in his car, or smell the perfume. You shouldn't jump on him right away - you need to figure it out. Yes, and a young spouse can attract the attention of men from the outside. Here, the jealousy of the spouse can play out in earnest, in short, at this stage, fate tests them for strength in terms of trust, understanding, wisdom and compliance.

What to do. To eliminate psychological fatigue from each other, you can take two ways. Give each other a little freedom, let each "rest" a little on the side. But this advice is still fraught with consequences. After all, freedom often leads to the fact that a person is carried away. New relationships, the novelty of feelings can lead to complete discord, and even divorce. On the ethical side, there is nothing good about a husband and wife giving each other freedom. The situation suggests that there is no longer love and each of the couple does not care whether a loved one is in the arms of a stranger.

Change your relationships, make them new, do not turn into "old people", be young and active. Remember the times when you ran out on a date and could stand in the doorway until the morning and kiss tirelessly. Now what? Stove, washing machine, TV, cleaning, etc. everyday life kills love! Take time to give each other passion, it is like dry logs that support family relationships between loving people.

The birth of a baby. We all understand that this is the happiest and brightest event in the life of a married couple. But only when it does not concern us or a period of time passes after the birth of a child. And in the early days, there is a terrible discomfort. But what about? At first there were two of them, they lived only for each other, nothing prevented them from walking, relaxing, sleeping peacefully at night. Now what? This little "screech" every now and then requires attention.

Naturally, both physical and mental fatigue occurs. It is especially hard for a young mother at this moment. She does not get enough sleep, and no matter how the man likes it, she must, first of all, pay attention to the baby, since it is in her blood. Every day is scheduled almost by the minute. The little man requires constant attention to himself. And it is needed for the first few years.

Then it's easier - he is already playing, he eats himself, watches TV, etc. The husband remains, as it were, "on the side". The support of the beloved, her attention and tenderness are becoming scarce. He grows cold, she feels that she is not needed by her beloved. There are conflicts, quarrels, up to divorce.

What to do. It is important here to continue to maintain a close connection, to talk to each other, not to close, not to get angry. Get in the position and understand that the child really will not survive if the mother does not give him the proper attention. Men should not forget that this is their child and the love of the father is no less important than that of the mother. Share the responsibilities, give her a rest and your spouse will thank you for her participation.

The crisis is seven years old. About the same as after three years of living together. Only the problems are deeper. It is not enough to simply renew feelings here. People have lived with each other for more than 7 years and you will not be particularly surprised by anything. By this time, men are already achieving something in life. Next to the "old" wife, they get bored, they do not want to rush home, they are increasingly looking for an excuse to stay late at work, to spend time with friends, in the circle of pretty colleagues and coworkers.

Roughly the same thing happens in the fate of the wife. She does not stay at home and is also growing up the career ladder. In any case, at the age of 26 and older, a woman achieves a lot at work. She is respected, admired, without her they cannot solve some production issues. The most important thing is that after seven years of marriage, the next stage in the life of children begins - they go to school. Each of the parents gets a lot of free time. And how to spend it, of course, in relaxation and communication.

And further. Having achieved certain heights in their careers, sending their children to school, the husband and wife must show those around them - what they all achieved together, what a clever girl they brought up. Quarrels begin - who is better, who is worse, how to raise a child, what to read to him, than to get carried away.

What to do. First, stop and remember who was there in those years when not everything worked out. Those who helped and supported, waited for the moment of success and did not reproach for anything.

Secondly, you should not control the child too much, forcing him to cognize all objects in the world. Let everything go gradually. do not overload it, let the load be on your strength and mind.

The child enters puberty - becomes a teenager. This moment is a serious test for all family members. And it's completely normal when mom and dad are most worried about this. The child begins to make friends, every now and then lingers in the company. The first cigarette, a glass is possible. Parents do not go to bed while he tries to kiss the girl for the first time in his life. Well, you can understand them. Their fears are not unfounded. After all, it is at this age that a person develops an attitude towards the environment in terms of communication.

God forbid he gets bogged down in a company where there is a cult of alcohol, drugs, unleashed life, refusal to study and obligations - then a natural slob will grow up. In addition, he has his own authorities and parents begin to not only worry about who it is, but also become jealous. After all, earlier he obeyed only them, consulted with them, shared the accumulated problems, thoughts, desires. And here he is speaking with someone else. Firstly, it is not clear what kind of person he is, what he does, and secondly, what a stranger can advise a child.

What to do. It sounds paradoxical, but categorically it is impossible to put pressure on the native blood. You can pinch the spring and rip it off. It is important to understand it. His world is expanding and not only you should enter into it, but other people as well.

Life is new meetings and acquaintances, and your child is no exception. He also communicates, meets new people, shares his impressions, talks about himself and listens to others. He is going through the most exciting and wonderful period. The first feeling, and maybe the first disappointment. In any case, the role of the parents during this period is to be supportive. Of course, you don't have to allow anything. Otherwise, your beloved child will turn into a boor and impudent. Learn to listen and persuade, only in a calm tone. The main thing is to show him your love, which includes support and, if necessary, suppression of bad behavior.

Years passed, the children matured, got married and decided on their way of life. They became independent and went to "their own bread". The parents were left alone again. The course of life changes, the daily routine, there is silence - frightening and bewitching. It is her who is initially feared by those who raised their children to their feet and were left alone. Previously, there was someone to talk to, someone to cook. Ears were delighted with noise, din, modern and "unbearable" music of young people. Now what? Wait for old age?

All you need to do is get up in the morning, have breakfast, lunch, dinner and that's it. The best entertainment is TV. Here's another trouble. The man begins to look "around" and admires the beauties in short skirts. It is during this period that begins. It seems that he did everything - gave birth to children, built a house, planted a tree. What else is needed?

What to do. Psychologists unanimously argue that parents who are left alone simply underestimate the advantages of their situation. Yes, you have raised wonderful sons and daughters, they, as is natural, got their own home. Now it is their turn to fulfill the obligation stipulated for every normal person. And you need to start living for yourself. Relax, see what you want, take daily walks. Go to the theater, clubs, do some hobbies.

Advice to women. Don't forget about yourself. Your spouse will not look back at other ladies when a well-groomed and beautiful wife is next to him. No matter how offended you are for his behavior, be patient, wisdom and do not reproach him for it. Continue to keep your home in an environment that makes him feel comfortable.

If you list all the situational crises, there are many more. There are so many difficult moments, there are so many stages that need to be experienced. The attitude of people to these situations plays an important role. If they really have a desire to keep the family and live with a dear person until the end of their days, then everything can be survived. Of course, every normal person wants peace of mind, less stress. As the saying goes, “To live life is not to cross the field!”. For each of us a pound of salt is prepared, which, whether we like it or not, will have to "eat". Do not worry and always be prepared for the fact that fate will present another "gift". Not only yours, but also the life of children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren depends on how you "accept and transfer" it.

A man and a woman unite in marriage in the hope of continuing their lineage. And for children to grow up intellectually and physically strong, the relationship between two lovers must be stable and reliable. This is the key to the successful functioning and development of the family as a “cell of society”.

Relations between the sexes today differ significantly from the not so long past, which can be characterized by the well-known phrase that there was no sex in the USSR. They have become more dynamic, many moral norms, when society looked disapprovingly at the relaxed communication of young people, now cause only a smile.

Nowadays, young people are in no hurry to register their feelings, the very fact that young people often live in a civil marriage, quickly converge and disperse, the appearance of single-parent families, when a child is often brought up by a single mother, no longer surprises anyone.

In a famous song it is sung that “the most important thing is the weather in the house”, and if the stable, warm and trusting atmosphere between the spouses suddenly disappeared, then we need to talk about the crisis of family life, which often threatens the very existence of the family.

It's important to know! "The ideal relationship in marriage is possible only when it is not a necessary condition for a person's survival." I. Yalom. "When Nietzsche Wept."

Causes of family crises

Psychologists are sure that crises in family life are a natural phenomenon in the union of two lovers. However, it is necessary to be able to overcome the “mood swings” that appear at different life stages of the functioning of the family, each of them has its own specifics. This will only contribute to the development and strengthening of the marriage union.

The psychology of family crises considers two types of circumstances that seriously affect the relationship of loved ones. The former disrupt the normal life of the family and can lead to its collapse. The latter allow you to eliminate the negative aspects of life and strengthen marriage, allow you to bring the union of a man and a woman to a new higher level. The causes of difficult situations are most often household difficulties. However, there are many others that can cause a family crisis.

Let's take a closer look at this:

• Age crisis... A husband or wife is experiencing a psychological breakdown associated with a reassessment of their own values, which change with age. At this time, you want to change yourself and your family life.
• Family development crisis... Associated with certain stages of family life, when children appear and take care of them. Nursery, school, adolescence, further education, etc.
• Job loss... If one of the spouses is left without earnings, this affects the psychological atmosphere in the family. Constant scandals can even lead to divorce.
• Bad relations with relatives... It often happens that newlyweds live under the same roof with the parents of a husband or wife, often such cohabitation leads to a generational conflict, this negatively affects relations in a young family.
• Change in financial situation... Let's say the wife began to earn much more than her husband. For false reasons, he began to feel not the head of the family, this leads to conflict.
• Moving to a new place of residence... Often it is forced, because it is associated with difficult family circumstances, and this is a stressful situation that requires urgent resolution.
• Severe chronic illness of someone close to you... It seems that there is no need for special explanations here. The constant care of the sick, the unhappy daily environment does not encourage positive communication.
• The birth of a defective child... You will have to live with this all the years. Not every family is able to survive such a difficult situation without mutual accusations; a serious family crisis is evident here.
• Unequal position in the family... For example, a woman takes care of children and the household, and her husband constantly reproaches that he supports her.
• One of the spouses devotes a lot of time to work.... Suppose a wife reproaches her husband for arriving late, and even suspects of treason, and his excuses are only for a diversion.
• Lack of psycho-emotional support... When small joys or sorrows of one person are perceived by another coldly, they say, "Yes, you think there is nothing special!", This is fraught with complications in the family up to the crisis of relations.
• Early marriage... Not every young family is able to overcome the everyday problems that have piled on them, the matter may come to a divorce.
• Different views and interests... They seemed to agree on love, but after a while it turned out that they were completely different people, there was nothing in common in their views on life. The crisis of relations in this case is inevitable.

Remember! True love is always only one, it must be protected!

The main signs of family crises

If spouses are deaf to each other on an emotional level, this is already a crisis situation. Psychologists say that the vast majority of couples complain about communication difficulties. Before this main "trigger" of "showdowns" beginning in the family, all the others seem not so significant, although this is far from the case. They should be taken seriously. There are quite a few signs indicating the beginning of a family crisis, when relations between spouses begin to cool down.

A typical manifestation of a family crisis can be:

1. Spouses stopped seeing each other as the only unique person... The routine dragged on - the monotony and monotony of family life, there was a quick addiction, "such (such) as everyone else", common interests disappeared.
2. Lost interest in intimacy... Everyday fruit is boring. Although the reasons may be different, specialist advice is needed.
3. ... On most issues (parenting, finances, relationships with family and friends, etc.), there are disagreements up to quarrels.
4. Unwillingness to give in to another... When everything that he (she) says and does is perceived with irritation, causes disagreement, one wants to contradict. “This is wrong, you need to like this!”;
5. Emotional coldness... There is no particular desire to talk, trust each other with their feelings and thoughts.
6. Too even relationship or eternal scandals... The dictate of one of the spouses, more often a man, when no one dares to contradict him, creates the appearance of a successful family, in fact, this is a crisis situation. The opposite is constant scandals that undermine family foundations.
7. Unwillingness to understand each other... If a conflict situation has arisen, no one wants to give in, listen to the arguments of the other.
8. Shouting as a defensive reaction in an argument... This is a sign of the weakness of the arguments of one of the spouses, it is worth reflecting on this and not bring the situation to a serious disagreement.
9. Family decisions are made only by one of the spouses... There is a serious psychological problem in the relationship, which, if not resolved in time, can lead to a family crisis.
10. No separation of family responsibilities... If the spouses do not really understand who is responsible for what, conflicts often arise. This state of affairs is typical for newlyweds; it does not strengthen, but weakens the family.

Remember! Only a benevolent attitude towards each other will allow maintaining a successful union of two loving hearts for many years.

Major periods of family crises

According to psychologists, the family is not a “cell of society” that is not frozen in its development, its qualitative transition from one state to another is accompanied by crisis phenomena, when contradictions grow between husband and wife. And only the ability to recognize and smooth them out in time will help spouses avoid serious disagreements.

The nuance here is that if he and she love each other dearly, the crisis of family relations is difficult. If the marriage was concluded for convenience, it may have inexpressive, completely invisible to the prying eye, features.

Psychologists distinguish two types of family crises: normative and non-normative. The first are considered as a transitional stage from one state of the family to another (the birth of a child, begins to speak, went to kindergarten, etc.) or are associated with the problems of the spouses, for example, the extinction of sexual function in men and menopause in women. The second is associated with the analysis of the circumstances that caused the crisis relationship in the family.

In the life of a family, several periods of family crises are distinguished, which are specified by some psychologists over the years:

• ... Statistics show that about 50% of newlyweds get divorced without having been married for a year. The standard explanation is that everyday life has "stuck". It is understood that the period of romantic love experiences quickly passed, family relationships, not yet having time to develop, crashed on the "rocks" of everyday problems.
• Second (after 3-5 years of marriage)... The spouses have already "got used to it", children have appeared, you need to think about the arrangement of your "nest", the maintenance and upbringing of children, which is associated with worries about material well-being (search for a prestigious job, career growth). At this time, there is some alienation at the psychological level, when there is an involuntary chill in the relationship, because the worries that have fallen down do not allow you to pay enough attention to each other.
• Third (after 7-9 years of marriage)... A difficult period of gradual "sobering up". The time of rainbow dreams is gone forever. Everything has settled down and has developed far from the way dreamed before marriage (marriage). "The boat of love" firmly settled on the prose of family problems associated primarily with children. The time has come for disappointment from the thought that there will be nothing particularly remarkable in life.
• Fourth... It is believed that comes after 16-20 years of living together, when the children are already old enough, new problems arise with them. And it seems that everything has already happened in his personal life, a certain success has been achieved in his career, the thought "what's next?" finds no optimistic answer.
• Fifth... It occurs when the husband and wife are under 50 (although there may be variations when one of the two is older or younger). It is associated with grown-up children, they have already graduated from school, higher educational institutions, flew out of their native "nest" and became independent. “Orphaned” parents have to rebuild their lives, they need to somehow manage the suddenly appeared free time, which used to be spent on caring for children.
• Sixth... Actually, it can be considered as a variant of the fifth. When a son or daughter (having married, having gotten married) remained to live with their parents. A new family member is always a stressful situation, because of him you have to abruptly break the usual rhythm of life that has been established over the years. Such a crisis of family relations affects not only parents, but also a young family, and for her it often ends in divorce. Although there is also a positive side, if the relationship between the “old” and the young is successful, the grandparents devote their time to the grandchildren who have appeared.
• Seventh... When a husband and wife retire and are left alone, the children have been living their lives for a long time and, quite possibly, even in another city. The social circle is sharply narrowed, the spouses feel lonely, there is a lot of free time, which often has nothing to do. And here the main thing is to be able to psychologically reorganize, to find something to do for yourself.
• Eighth... We can say that it is the last age-related crisis period, when one of the spouses dies. The severity of the loss of a loved one, with whom you have lived your life, has a heavy effect on the psyche, you have to live with this pain for the rest of the time.

It's important to know! Family life crises are a fact of normal family development. You just need to know how to overcome them.

Ways to Overcome Family Crises

Modern psychological science does not give an unambiguous answer to the question of how to overcome a family crisis. It is not for nothing that it is said that “husband and wife are one Satan,” and therefore if they have a sound mind and want to maintain a healthy relationship, they themselves need to solve the difficulties that have arisen in the family, and not bring them to a conflict situation, when even the recommendations of a psychologist can become already belated.

To prevent this from happening, you should adhere to several general and completely useful tips, they will help spouses not turn an ordinary squabble into a crisis of family relations:

1. You don't need to hide your grudge... Suppose a husband scolds his wife, but she is silent with a guilty look. Latent resentment eats away at the soul. Sometimes you can make a scandal, but you should adhere to certain rules so that it does not “go off scale” when scandals turn into insults and inflict a heavy, unforgivable offense that is not easily forgotten.
2. You can not insult! In a quarrel, you do not need to get personal: "And you are like that, and your parents and friends are so-and-so ..."
3. Do not take "dirty linen" from the family... You can not insult each other in public, outsiders should not at all know your personal and family problems.
4. Remember the "golden rule" of morality... Do not wish your loved one (other people) what you do not wish for yourself.
5. Become critical of yourself... Put yourself in the place of your spouse, that is, look with different eyes, this will help you to objectively evaluate and sensibly solve the problem that has arisen in the family.
6. Avoid knowingly conflicting topics... If, for example, the husband loves football, but the wife does not, try not to touch on this topic.
7. Spill your irritation on paper... Keep a diary, entrust your feelings to it, it will help you calm down. The notebook will endure everything, but a living person may be offended by an evil word.
8. Everyone should have their own corner of freedom... It's good if the living conditions allow it, but even in shy conditions, you need to find a place where you can be at least a little yourself, alone with your thoughts and feelings.
9. Trust each other... It is good when each of the spouses can, for example, spend an evening with their friends without fear of serious consequences at home.
10. The same hobby... If a husband and wife have the same hobby, this creates a healthy family climate, such families, as a rule, are conflict-free.
11. Learn to analyze problems that have arisen in the family.... Only an analysis of the causes of conflicts will help to successfully resolve them.

Remember! True family relationships are impossible without the trusting relationship of the spouses to each other.

How to overcome a family crisis - watch the video

Our only real wealth is our family. You need to worry only for her, "and let the rest worry itself!" Successful life for everyone without insoluble family crises!

Family life crises are one of the components of the normal development of the family.

According to scientific views, "crisis" means a moment of imbalance in the system, loss of correspondence (balance) between the problems of the individual and the resources that exist to resolve them.

Conventionally, all existing crises of family life are considered as two variants of crises.

Development crisis. These are crises that predictably arise during life and at different stages of family development (birth of a child, marriage, growing up of children, etc.).

Situation crisis. Most crises fall into this category and are unpredictable stressors (job loss, conflicts, etc.).

• The emergence of a family is a stage conventionally called "pre-family".
• Formation of a family (formation of a single psychological and spiritual space).
• The birth of the family itself in its ramified structure (the union of two generations of the older and younger).
• Growing up of children and separation of generations.
• Separation of children from the parental family.
• Repetition of the cycle.

The family, as a living organism, has its own periods of childhood, adolescence, prosperity, disease, aging and decay. The transition from one period to another is often associated with the appearance of contradictions in the relationship between husband and wife and, as a result, can lead to crises in family life. The paradox is that the crises of family life are more painful if the family arose on the basis of passionate love and, conversely, calmly and almost imperceptibly, if the creation of the marriage was dictated by purely business considerations.

08.01.2011 19:15:47, Irina Yakushchenko

crazy little article. Why are almost all crises in the family connected in one way or another with the child? This is a new stage in the life of a family, an interesting and rewarding experience, not a crisis. And the resolution of all crises in the article looks terribly useful ...

24.11.2009 01:14:20,

Well, at least a little bit of lyrics ...

11/23/2009 21:44:55, Lyuli-lyuli

Total 8 posts .

More on the topic "Crises of family life. Ways to overcome":

This life without overcoming oneself, without heroic deeds, without awareness of one's boundaries - it is simply not clear why it was given. IMHO midlife crisis is the awareness of the "imminent" end of life, and not the ceiling of possibilities as such.

Good day everyone! Teach the mind to reason. I am married (by status), my son is 4 years old. The husband is constantly on business trips, he is practically never at home, and, in addition, he has "she". It appeared a long time ago, almost three years ago, when my relationship with my husband was on the verge of divorce, but then he supposedly changed his mind, decided that the family is more important and we began to live together again. Then I still did not know about her presence, I guessed, but I constantly drove my thoughts away from myself. And then by chance, while cleaning, I found ...

my crisis, I'm desperate. Wife and husband. Family relationships. I do not regret at all, even if I followed the path of least resistance. He cannot find his niche in your family life.

Family life crises. Ways to overcome. Relationship between parents and children. Print version. 3.7 5 (161 ratings) Rate the article. How to prevent a crisis in family relationships. Vorobieva Ekaterina.

And then comes again ... a crisis of family relations. And here there are two options, or the understanding comes that the first time it was like this, but I thought ... Well, okay, since this is so, we will live, overcome difficulties, not get divorced again, life is ...

keep the family as a child. Wife and husband. Family relationships. together. there must have been crises ... but they are very sensitive to grandchildren, and the husband to children. it seems to me that children are the main thing for him. But is rapprochement in the name of overcoming difficulties = happiness?

there is no such obsessive "overcoming the family crisis." Because some have this Ie. my recipe is to endure, to be distracted by something else, not personal life, and everyone had specific reasons for the crisis, hence the ways, terms and means of overcoming it ...

tired of being married or a crisis of 3 years. ... I find it difficult to choose a section. Family relationships. I tried to find pluses in our family life, but it doesn't help, as I meet this girl, everything turns over with envy (in an amicable way, as they say, I envy ...

A young husband may be wrong, a young wife may be wrong, a mother-in-law and mother-in-law have already gone through all this, they will sooner see ways to overcome the crisis. The role of an observer is not my role. I'm not going to interfere with the life of the future family Look here at the Family ...

It looks like you guys have a family life crisis - 7 years. so that's what spears are to break them :)) Think about the fact that life does not give anything on its way just like that ...