How to live after your husband's infidelity. How to live on after your husband's betrayal: the basics of rational behavior
Cheating on a husband is tantamount to betrayal. It is better for a loving wife not to know about her husband's infidelity, but the time comes, the secret becomes a reality. It is impossible to describe the power of pain, despair, hopelessness that befell the spouse at the moment the secret was revealed. The feeling of a destroyed world, the unexpectedness of a blow lead to deep depression and an insoluble dilemma - how to live after her husband's betrayal? The invaluable advice of psychologists will help you return to life and make a decision about your future fate.
Cheating is different, it is impossible to judge the actions of the husband, to advise, without knowing the details, the family situation.
Married men go into relationships with women for different reasons:
- one-time sex, the embodiment of sexual desires, lust;
- fleeting hobby, new sensations, fresh emotions, raising self-esteem;
- love / love, distinguished by the strength of feelings, the duration of the novel.
It is easier to forgive a one-time betrayal, the spouse could be pushed by certain circumstances. Of course, this is not an excuse, but given the worldview and psychology of a man, it says a lot. Smart women know that men are by nature hunters and conquerors, so the risk of infidelity exists every hour. Hope dies last, I want to believe that your spouse is not like that, but statistics are stubborn things.
Some husbands allow moaning sex because of sexual incompatibility with their wife, protect her from their own passionate desires, fearing to humiliate this. He may not even remember the girl's face, because he saw only the body. It is not easier for a wife from such "care", but men have a special view of the situation, confidence in the correctness of their actions. Sex happens in a drunken state, if there is a pretty young lady nearby who wants to have fun, the chance of "continuing the story" in private is almost 100%. Having sober up, the spouse can repent, avoid repeating the mistake he made.
The pursuit of new emotions is organized by constant "hunters" or spouses who have lived for decades in marriage. Monotony, a well-established way of life, children, family troubles gradually tire, make you bored. The sudden appearance of an interesting pretty person knocks a married man off the right path, the hormones of happiness are triggered. He gets a second youth, a chance to change a stagnant situation like a swamp, rejoices that someone else needs it. A large role is assigned to the lady, for the sake of which the man goes to constant infidelity. If he really loves, he can leave the family, falling in love will last for some time, but the marriage is unlikely to destroy.
Shocking news
Having learned about the infidelity of a loved one, a woman receives a mental pain shock, to which she reacts in different ways. No matter how trite it may sound, the first thing to do is to calm down, you cannot make inadequate decisions. You should take a break, create conditions for loneliness, the ideal option is to go on vacation. It is categorically impossible to take revenge by deciding to have sex with the first comer. You need to turn on your mind and decide how to live after your husband's betrayal.
There are two possible scenarios:
- divorce;
- forgive, keep the family.
It is difficult to answer which woman is more difficult, childless or who has a long-term marriage behind her back, common children, a well-established life. Long-term wives are more likely to forgive, especially for the sake of children. Young spouses often disagree because of infidelity, if the "foundation" of family relations is initially weak, is it worth continuing.
Either option is difficult, but possible. It is worth making a decision soberly, without deviating from the chosen path. It is easier to save a family if the husband is an interested person, meets halfway, tries to make amends. Calmly analyze why the spouse decided to change, perhaps you yourself became the impetus, correct mistakes. Psychologists say that jealous spouses provoke their husbands to a "leftist" campaign, because they are tired of scandals and groundless reproaches.
When making a decision, connect your intuition, your inner voice. Feeling that you will never heal as before, and it is impossible to forget the betrayal, it is better not to “force” the soul. An unhappy woman will not give happiness, especially to children, for the sake of which she wants to keep dad within the walls of the house.
You do not need to be afraid of someone's judgments, this is your life and only you have the right to write a script. There will always be people who will condemn, "teach" life, reproach for the stupidity of an act. Unfortunately, people want to talk, discuss, peck at someone. It is a non-disruptive system, you have to isolate yourself.
Parting
For those who have made a deliberate decision to leave, psychologists advise to act like this:
- Eliminate accusations against you.
- Do not analyze the mistress, looking for her superiority. You cannot develop complexes in yourself.
- You need to have self-respect, remember about dignity. Do without communication and meetings with a homeowner.
- It is important to part as friends, especially if you have children together. Now it is impossible to call a traitor a friend, but gradually the pain will pass, life will be arranged. For children, he will remain the best dad, and antagonizing the father will subsequently backfire.
- Engage in self-development. Sign up for aerobics, strip dancing, fitness club, swimming. Sport helps to relieve mental pain, while improving your appearance and figure. A creative person should do what he loves, pouring out pain in paintings, paper, crafts. You can go to college, get another specialty, or sign up for the study of a foreign language. Any change will be of immense benefit.
- Having met your ex-husband, avoid sharp reproaches, scandals, tears, memories. The decision was made, the divorce was filed.
You don't have to rush to fill out the gap. The breakup will bear fruit anyway. Left alone, you can quickly cure depression, otherwise a man will cause mental pain every day with one kind. For a certain time of separation, you will definitely understand whether a betrayed person is needed. The laws of fate work great, people often break up, but real feelings bring couples together again, giving them a second chance.
Great forgiveness
You will have to forgive your husband unambiguously, otherwise the negative will "eat" from the inside, worsen your health, make the woman angry and weak.
You must achieve a sense of forgiveness in any way:
- independent work;
- with the help of loved ones who can listen and help;
- by contacting a psychologist.
A truly strong, wise woman can forgive her husband for infidelity and return happiness to the family. Some ladies are sure that forgiveness of betrayal is a lack of self-respect, a manifestation of weakness, a losing option. How many people, so many opinions, but a person must make decisions on their own, avoiding tips, advice, stories of "own" experience.
To erase an unpleasant situation from memory forever will help the exclusion of its repetition, the feeling of déjà vu. Some find it easier to forgive, setting a certain framework for the spouse, he obeys. A born ladies' man will clearly not become a resident of the "cage", so having a husband of this breed, you should think twice about continuing the marriage. Lovelaces are easier to forgive once, letting go forever.
Effective advice from a psychologist for women who decide to forgive an unfaithful spouse, to save a marriage:
- Control emotions, do not allow tantrums, reproaches, insults. Feel that memories, thoughts and pain begin to choke, talk to a loved one, throw out the negative.
- Listen to pleasant music more often, dance.
- Remember, people are sinful creatures, they tend to be wrong. Once you promised not to leave your loved one in difficult situations.
- It is useful to splash the pain on paper, then re-read it. An effective method is to pronounce emotions on a dictaphone followed by listening.
- You cannot sleep separately, avoid one blanket, refuse intimate relationships. A couple who excluded sex is an unhappy couple, so if you want to save the family, restore harmony, sex must be present. You need to turn off women's fantasy, stop comparing yourself to "her", not imagine your spouse in someone else's arms.
- Conduct soulful conversations more often, show concern.
- You can't ask your husband about the details of the betrayal, romance, dating. Avoid unnecessary mental wounds.
- Convince yourself that you are the best woman on earth.
- Remember why you fell in love with your spouse, what he was at first, appreciate it. Try to give what he was looking for outside the home (if it's more than one-off sex).
If the spouse repented of the retreat, does not repeat the mistakes, and the wife was able to sincerely forget the offense, the married couple will definitely reach a new, strong level of relationship. Psychologists say that complete reconciliation of spouses requires 3-5 heart-to-heart conversations. Forgetting the fact of betrayal will turn out in 2-3 years.
Ban
When the betrayal "knocked", it is categorically impossible to do the following:
- To humiliate himself, to grab her husband by the legs, to beg to leave his mistress, to stay. To justify stupidity with the phrase "All methods are good in war" is another stupidity. Start cutting the veins, hanging yourself, etc., achieve the opposite effect - the husband will leave, even if he was not going to do it.
- Look for contacts with your mistress. The woman who comes first admits defeat. There is no need to make appointments, threaten, dismiss, and scandal. Remember, she did not rape your husband, he is solely to blame.
- Arrange surveillance, especially, deciding to save the family. Confirming distrust will lead to scandals, delaying reconciliation.
- Take their own lives, wait for universal pity. Cheating is common, your story is unlikely to be unique.
In the end, I would like to cite the sad statistics that 99 out of 100 men can change, 75 changed at least once, 50 consider this to be quite normal. It's hard to resist masculine nature.
Share:Living together after her husband's betrayal is not honey. Every woman who has faced the betrayal of her faithful knows this. The first thought is to save the family. But how? Forgive? Accept? And if neither one nor the other will help?
Then how to live after the betrayal of her husband? It is difficult to give advice in such a situation. To understand whether a good deed to save the marriage is preparing a new trap, you need to sort everything out on the shelves.
Is family life possible after infidelity?
We are taught from childhood to forgive, not to accumulate resentment in ourselves.
But no one tells how to turn a blind eye to her husband's infidelity, who continues to "march to the left" and does not repent at the same time.
Forgiveness of sins to a convinced reveler will lead to only one thing - to legitimize his adventures. He will perceive the forgiveness that his wife has suffered as her surrender. Keeping him after that will be just as impossible as answering the question: how to live after the betrayal of her husband, who was actually given a "ticket to fornication"?
A husband who has received a hasty indulgence will not think about saving the family. He will have another problem: how many women is more convenient for him to have on the side - two, three, or a whole harem?
What is fraught with life together after infidelity?
Not a single woman is able to forget deception and betrayal. Having forgiven her husband's mind, she will not be able to carry out the same "operation" in her heart. This means that attacks of jealousy and spying on the unfaithful can not be avoided.
Often, the life of a family after infidelity turns into a real torture for both spouses. Suspicions would plague her on any occasion: why did he put on a new shirt? who called him at night looking? Where did you skis on the weekend? He, too, will suffer, feeling like a poor student, out of trust and forced to make excuses for every little thing.
Few married couples can withstand this pressure.
Most often, a woman's patience bursts. She becomes the initiator of the break.
Less often, a man gives in to domestic "totalitarianism": realizing that nothing good is ahead, he abandons his family.
Women should be aware that there are two types of deceiving men: those who truly repent and those who show feelings of guilt. Consider first the first type of cheating husbands.
Life after the betrayal of a husband who truly repented
Let's note right away: this phenomenon is more likely an exception than a rule. Such men immediately recognize the fact of treason. True, even they usually need an encouraging pendel from their wife in the form of a threat of divorce.
The more clearly a woman expresses the reality of her intention, the more active the offender will be to earn his second chance.
This is manifested in a touching tolerance towards a jealous wife: detailed reports on delays at work, an imperturbable attitude towards "interrogation with addiction", submissive provision of access to SMS.
With such a super loyalty to a man, the possibility of maintaining the marriage bond is quite real. There is only one snag here: how to live after the betrayal of her husband, who truly repented, but ten years later was again caught in adultery? This happens, alas, quite often.
Many women, having a positive experience of forgiveness, are in no hurry to expel their spouse in this situation. The dramatic situation of the second betrayed wife is brightened up by the memories of the "best years" lived after the first betrayal. After all, a repentant husband was grooming and taking care of him like no other. In addition, children brought up in a complete and prosperous family managed to grow up in ten years.
Life after the betrayal of her husband, demonstratively repentant
The ostentatious feeling of guilt in a man is very similar to a sincere one. The same tears and kissing hands, the same oath assurance that "this will not happen again", the same tirade on the topic "I'm with you - what kind of proof do you, fool, still need?"
The only difference is that the showy soul will not change. Not necessarily immediately after being denounced, he will run out on dates. Some prudently lay low until the storm subsides.
But there is no doubt: after a while everything will return to normal again. Only such a man will not tolerate attacks of jealousy of his wife and allow himself to be controlled.
He will either spit and leave, or he will openly cheat, "legalizing" the passion on the side. At the same time, the cheater can get mad to such an extent that he will refuse to divorce the unfortunate wife, insisting on a bed relationship with her. Sex with a spouse for a ladies' man is an additional source of energy and a way to build self-esteem.
The woman will first try to put pressure on the pity and conscience of the simulator. Then, seeing that exhortations do not work on him, he will reconcile and begin to automatically forgive the deceiver, they say, he will go crazy - he will calm down.
One more variant of events is also possible. It is characteristic of families where a man is not particularly arrogant. It is easier for such a person to go into a binge than to solve a dilemma: wife or mistress? In friendship with the green serpent, he finds a ghostly freedom.
The prospects for marriage in all the cases described are far from bright. The only one who is able to break the vicious connection is the mistress. To do this, she needs to be so decisive as to personally appear for a weak-willed man, take him in an armful and take him home.
There are several eternal questions in the world. And one of them - how to survive the betrayal of her husband. There are countless tips from psychologists on this topic. This is a relevant topic, which is painful for obvious reasons. And now we will focus on its most important aspects.
Signs of cheating on her husband
A few words should be said about specifically about the signs that speak of the "walking" husband. In fact, the woman immediately notices the "strangeness" in her husband's behavior. And the surest sign of her husband's betrayal, as many believe, is her intuition. Although this is a rather dubious statement. What can really be a wake-up call?
- A man's sudden preoccupation with his appearance. He wants to be irresistible for a new woman, he wants to show her his dignity.
- Smell. Either he will smell like "another woman", or he will suddenly change the perfume for a completely different smell. Body odor (chemistry) can also change.
- Inexplicable, frequent delays at work, after which the husband returns tired but satisfied. It's easy to check: you need to call the office on the night when he will “finish writing the report”. His absence from the workplace will prove suspicion.
- Rare sex. If a husband has a mistress, then why would he caress an already tired wife? Even if she put on new lingerie and put on a gorgeous make-up.
- Mood swings: from harshness and irritability to unprecedented tenderness - then he justifies his act, looking for shortcomings in his wife, then he feels guilt and tries to make amends.
- Lack of money. Money is needed for a mistress, everything is logical.
- The emergence of new habits. It is normal when a person spends a considerable part of his life with the same woman, and then suddenly suddenly acquires a mistress.
And, of course, signs of betrayal include secrecy, constant attempts to hide the phone and log out of all social media profiles on the computer, as well as a sharp reaction to ambiguous questions or criticism.
Divorce
According to most opinions, a relationship tainted by betrayal should be ended. A man who went "to the left" is a coward, a liar, a traitor and a hypocrite. These are the mildest expressions. Suffice it to think: he consciously took such a step, knowing that this would cause unbearable pain to his loving wife, plunge her into despair and hopelessness, and destroy her world.
Such a man is not worthy of forgiveness. If the relationship between the spouses collapsed long ago, then it was possible to resolve the situation humanly - through a long constructive dialogue, civilized dissolution of relations and peaceful divergence in different directions. But acting behind your back, looking for delight on the side, is despicable.
It seems to many that it is difficult to decide on a divorce. Especially if the spouses have been married for a long time. But, as practice shows, this is not the case. After betrayal, a person becomes like a stranger. Not the one with whom so many pleasant moments and fond memories were experienced. It will not be easy to maintain the appearance of a happy marriage, to lead a common life, to live in the same house.
The atmosphere will be filled with a spirit of betrayal. Maybe over time the pain will dull, but a woman will always remember the terrible act of her husband, looking at him. This usually leads to deep, long-term depression.
Therefore, there is no need to be afraid to change something. You can always have time to start life from scratch. It will take less time and will not bring as much pain as the constantly looming reminder of cheating.
A change of scenery
Having learned about the act of the spouse, you urgently need to leave the house. And not to make a scandal, although the desire is quite natural. But you need to preserve your dignity, so that later, during a serious conversation, you can express your thoughts as coldly and bitingly as possible.
It is really important to go somewhere for a devoted woman, because if she stays in the apartment where she had to live with her beloved husband a few days ago, everything in her will remind of the wrong. You can stay in a hotel or even outside the city, closer to nature, the unity with which is relaxing.
In addition, being in peace and quiet, it will be possible to think over everything thoroughly and build a further line of behavior.
Looking ahead, it should be noted that some work will have to be done in the apartment. How to survive the betrayal of your husband? The psychologist's advice is this: get rid of everything that awakens vivid memories of him in the soul. And repairs will not hurt. To repaint the walls in a different color, buy new blankets and bedding, dishes for yourself - a slight transformation of the home will make it individual, not marital.
Talk
It is imperative to talk with a man. After the conversation, it will become clearer how to live after her husband's betrayal. The conversation should be calm, quiet and peaceful, without hysterics. There is no need to explain to your husband that he is a scoundrel - it will be clear to him anyway, proceeding from the cold-blooded tone of his offended and devoted wife.
You need to find out from your spouse exactly why, from his point of view, he committed this act. What did he lack next to his wife? What was she doing wrong? What didn't you give? Where was it objectionable? Why did he decide that the other would be better? From the answers received, the woman will be able to understand the man's attitude towards her and make a decision regarding further relationships.
You need to show up at the meeting in full dress, of course. The image should not contain anything from that woman, trampled by betrayal and pain, which she was the other day. Fresh clean skin without swelling from tears, exquisite makeup, beautiful styling, a flattering outfit, high heels, attractive perfume - this is what should take place in a devoted woman's toilet.
Why all this? Not so that "he understands whom he has lost." For your own satisfaction and self-confidence. A girl, looking at herself in the mirror, should think - is he worthy, a traitor and a traitor, of such a queen as she is?
You also need to behave accordingly. Dignified, but not arrogant. It is necessary to explain to the spouse how much pain he has caused, but you cannot humiliate yourself or cry. Also, do not "pull" remorse and apology out of him. Let him act on his own: this way the woman will understand whether he himself feels guilty, whether he understands what he has done.
Can you be forgiven?
The woman herself must answer this question. Many devoted girls are tormented - how to survive and forgive her husband's betrayal? But here the psychologist and friends are unlikely to give advice. They can help to look at the situation from the outside, suggest a line of behavior, disassemble what happened on the shelves, identify the causes and prerequisites. But what to do next is up to her to decide.
Some people forgive. And here are the most common reasons:
- Blind, unconditional love for a spouse.
- The betrayal happened only once. Accidentally, according to her husband.
- The spouse repents, makes attempts to earn forgiveness that can touch even the most stony heart.
- Children or pregnancy. This is also called “family preservation”. The most dubious reason. It is better for a child to live in comfort with one caring parent, and sometimes see another, than to suffer in a “family” where there is no love in a couple, but only cold, anger and continuous humiliation. Or fake.
And how to forgive the betrayal of her husband? The advice is as follows: having made this decision, you need to assert yourself in it. It is not necessary to "forgive" for the sake of appearance, and then remind the husband all his life of his act. Therefore, if there is no certainty that forgetting, making peace and living as before will turn out 100%, it is better to disperse and not torment either yourself or him.
By the way, most often girls are haunted by the fear of a new relationship. Surprisingly, many women think, “How am I going to go on? After all, we are bound by the years. There were so many events, memories. I can't start all over again with another person. After all, you have to get to know him, go through all the stages of new relationships, learn to trust. "
Nonsense. Nobody forces you to immediately rush into a maelstrom of new relationships. The girl can do what she wants. Do not torment yourself with sick, betrayed relationships. To humiliate herself by living with someone who didn't give a damn about her feelings. Better to be free. And then she will surely meet “the one”. In addition, to relive the airy feeling of falling in love and enjoy the romance of courtship - isn't it wonderful?
Cheating with a "call girl"
Many consider this to be a separate case. Well, it's also worth talking about how to survive the betrayal of a husband with a prostitute. A woman, having learned about such a shocking incident, is lost: this is sex without feelings, for money ... maybe just a break from the family routine, satisfaction of needs?
No. Although men are discouraged. They call it a purely mechanical act, in which there is nothing personal. Just fun, a way to have fun and a little adrenaline.
However, this is a betrayal. It doesn't matter whether a prostitute or a mistress - the man felt the need for another woman. He felt a desire for someone other than his wife, and realized it. And he will name the reason, rather, the standard one - the wife stopped looking “fresh and interesting”, her head “hurts” too often, sexual relations have cooled down ... So there is no difference with whom exactly this happened.
How to survive the betrayal of your husband? A psychologist's advice will not hurt. After this, a woman can feel as if she has bathed in the mud. She is disgusted with the realization of the act of the once beloved man.
Although, indeed, there are such ladies who believe that calling a prostitute is the same as trying a dish of new cuisine. But it all depends on personal moral principles and, of course, feelings. Sex is part of love. And if a man worships his woman and appreciates her feelings, then he will never hurt her with his betrayal. In the same way as she will not go for it.
Revenge
Betrayal evokes different emotions in everyone. Some women want to run away to the end of the world, while others want to take revenge so that the spouse feels even more pain than the one he caused himself. These girls do not believe in karma and what God will punish. They want reckoning. Therefore, their life turns into thinking about how to punish her husband for treason.
If you really want to bring trouble to your spouse, you need to choose an option that will not turn into trouble for the woman herself. Otherwise, she will smash the car of the former with an ax, after which she herself will then be summoned to court and a fine for damage to property will be written out. But how to punish a husband for treason? Here are some tips from some girls from the forums to discuss the topic in the circle of cheated wives:
- Thoroughly sprinkle the car with slop and sewage.
- To spoil clothes in the same fetid way. Nonsense? Not at all, because most men are squeamish (in terms of washing) and do not like shopping. And then they just have to look for clothes and fork out for them.
- Add laxative mixed with sleeping pills. The situation will be just like from an anecdote.
- Tell the whole world about what happened. The method is not for everyone - proud girls will prefer to hide treason from prying eyes and ears. And others, on the contrary, will talk about betrayal in all colors and details, or even post on a social network. Friends, colleagues, female friends - they will also arrange word of mouth as a sign of women's solidarity.
- Complete disregard. The method is suitable for women who have decided to forgive the betrayal, but want to recoup. The bottom line is this: still live with him, but do nothing. No cooking, no cleaning, no washing, no even talking. Maybe with the absence of all this, the young man realizes the value of his woman and the abomination of his deed.
- Exploitation. Why not start using your husband to satisfy your whims? Wanting to be forgiven, some cheaters are ready to fulfill any spouse's whims.
In general, there are many ways of revenge - from the most terrible (like corruption) to literate (moral pressure). But, since a girl cannot think about how to survive her husband's betrayal and keep the family without reckoning, it is better to choose something more harmless. She does not need another burden on her soul.
The topic under discussion should be examined from a religious point of view. In Christianity, treason is considered a catastrophe of colossal proportions. The soul of a man who has been betrayed in such a horrific way is compared to the earth scorched by napalm.
Priests conducting confessions say that people who find out about the betrayal come as if they were dead, not understanding anything. And those who repent of this appear insensitive, cold, devastated. And both have their hearts and feelings burned out.
A person who lives in captivity to the sin of betrayal will seek justification for his deed. No other way. If he didn’t want to, he wouldn’t do that. But he cannot live without it. The most important thing is that he and himself will end up badly from the incessant search for an excuse.
Tormented by the question of how to survive the betrayal and departure of her husband, we must remember that the basis of a relationship is loyalty and trust. When people can count on each other, be sure that the partner will always lend his shoulder.
Thus, adultery is a betrayal of the secret of love. After all, the most intimate about his partner is open to a person. And he neglected it.
And if there is sincere, true love between people, then there is no need to change. When this happens, the traitor must state that he does not need anyone except himself and his interests. He just uses the rest.
You can argue on this topic for a long time. But it is enough just to remember the words of Christ about marriage: “... and the two will be one flesh. What God has combined cannot be torn apart. " This is the ideal that religion later came to. The relationship between man and woman was elevated to the point between Christ and the Church.
How to proceed? Church officials say honesty is above all. Even after the betrayal. There is no point in keeping a stained marriage. But, at the same time, a woman should have her own personal way of solving the problem. And it will be determined by love - the deepest knowledge and the only support in such a situation.
Is forgiveness possible? Yes, if the man sincerely and deeply repents. But such cases are rare. Repentance must go through the realization of sin in order to wash it away from a man. But this does not mean that the old life, which turned out to be destroyed by treason, will be restored. It will take hard, great work. It is very difficult to regain lost trust. And the woman will remain for a long time as if in a crucified state.
How to live on?
Most women face this question. There are some people who, after a divorce, manage to erase the ex from their lives and start all over again. But for many, the pain continues to devour from the inside for a long time.
How to live after your husband's infidelity? Here are some guidelines:
- Everything that excites and gnaws must be splashed out on paper. This is a very effective way to speak out. In the moments when it will "roll", you can reread and remember your thoughts - what helped to calm down the last time.
- You need to start pleasing yourself. Visits to beauty salons and SPA, massage sessions, delicious food and sweets, meetings with friends, fragrant foam baths in the evenings - life should be filled with positive and pleasant things to the maximum.
- It is worth fulfilling the dream. Maybe the girl dreamed of relaxing in Bali? So it's time to go there, but for a little longer! Plus, new experiences, unfamiliar culture and interesting unexplored places will be beneficial. All this will captivate her headlong and make her forget about what happened.
- You have to start loving yourself. It is important! A woman must convince herself: she is a Goddess. Daily self-care, makeup and hairstyles, a stylish look will help her with this.
- It is necessary to find new hobbies and interests, to engage in self-development. In general, occupy your mind, soul and thoughts. Then there will be no place and time for worrying about the act of the former.
- You need to go in for sports. It is beneficial not only for the body and body, but also for the morale. After all, during exercise, endorphins are released, which help fight stress. That is why, leaving the hall, one feels such lightness in the body and clarity of mind.
But that's not all you need to know about how to survive your husband's betrayal. Psychologist's advice: you need to establish your regime. Go to bed no later than 23:00 or midnight, get up early (before 7:00). Open the window at night, start the morning with a glass of water and a contrast shower. Drink not coffee, but guarana extract, eat a breakfast full of vitamins and useful elements.
All this will help the body feel better, will have a positive effect on productivity and tone. The girl will have more physical and moral strength, energy. And this is very important and valuable in such a difficult life period.
If the pain doesn't subside
Unfortunately, many women ask another question - how to cope with depression after cheating on her husband? For some, betrayal becomes such a severe blow that a mental breakdown eventually ensues. The symptoms are as follows:
- Lack of interest in life and in everything that happens in it.
- Persistent apathy.
- Lack of performance.
- Sleeplessness in the evening, inability to open eyes in the morning.
- Chronic fatigue, present even when the girl has been idle for a long time.
- Constant hunger or loss of appetite.
- Unreasonable fear and anxiety.
- Lack of desires.
In this case, the question of how a wife can survive her husband's betrayal no longer arises. She needs the help of a specialist. The psychotherapist will prescribe antidepressants, prescribe a course of treatment. And the psychologist will advise on emotions, help to understand her specific case, and give advice.
Depression is often accompanied by a fear of loneliness. It seems to the girl that she will no longer meet a man, and no one will love her. This panic overwhelms those women who are thinking about how to survive her husband's betrayal after 30.
But this has already been said before. Love tends to come suddenly. And at any age. The phobia will go away, the main thing is that the girl does not make mistakes during the period of depression. The most common are:
- Detachment from the outside world and self-flagellation.
- Uncontrollable aggression not only towards the cheater, but towards all men.
- Casual (more often - unprotected) sexual relations.
- Alcohol, drug addiction.
- Overeating, active weight gain.
- Financial waste.
With the help of specialists, relatives and friends, it will be possible to recover. Cheating is painful and unpleasant, but life does not end there. Sooner or later, a woman will definitely return to her usual course. You just need to make as much effort as possible for the soonest oblivion.
A family, especially built on love and trust, for most people is the main moral value, psychological protection and, in general, that “safe haven” in which one can hide even when the rest, the outside world, has taken up arms and become hostile. And therefore it is difficult to imagine a stronger blow than the one that was inflicted precisely here, in the most native and, as it seemed, safe place. And yet, sad as it is, even the most tender couples and alliances built on strong mutual feelings do not always stand the test of strength. And then a piercing cold wind rushes into your heavenly harbor, squall waves rise and break the recent careless calm with thunderous news: treason. A person whom you believed as yourself, and maybe sometimes even stronger. A man with whom it was always warm and safe. Husband, support and support in all your common life plans and deeds. He changed. I betrayed everything that you gave to him, your love, your tenderness, yourself. How to live after your husband's infidelity?
Reasons for male infidelity. Why did my husband cheat?The answer to this question has been tormenting deceived wives (as well as brides, lovers and girls in love) for many centuries. And each of them feels deeply unhappy and offended, sincerely believing that no one has ever experienced such experiences. Nevertheless, the emotions that all victims of treason experience are quite similar and have long been studied by both psychologists and simply wise people. And the answer to the question "why did he do it?" as it was not, so it is not. As well as the only common reason for cheating. All people are different - and the reasons that push them to deceive a loved one are also different. Moreover, some are not even inclined to consider their own betrayal a deception or something, in principle, dishonest. There are not many such originals, and we will also talk about them. But first things first. In the meantime, let's try at least a little to clarify for ourselves why men cheat on their wives. The most common reasons for male infidelity are:
- Sexual dissatisfaction, which can relate to both qualitative and quantitative aspects of the intimate life of the spouses. If the problem is not voiced, not resolved and is aggravated, sooner or later it will most likely turn into treason.
- Psychological discomfort that accumulates due to the difficult psychological atmosphere in the family. They often cheat not on gentle and attentive, but on rude, indifferent and cold wives, who often find fault and constantly “nag” their husbands.
- Search for new sensations. Sadly, some men do tend to prioritize vivid emotions over family values. Even if you did not notice such inclinations for your husband, the appearance of a new attractive colleague in the work collective, suitable circumstances on vacation or on a business trip may one day show them.
- The unattractiveness of a wife, who, years (and sometimes only months) after the wedding, ceases to look after her appearance, looks untidy at home, does not try to please her husband. Romance in such a family disappears, and the man looks for it outside the family.
- Accident. That is, he is unhappy for his wife, but for her husband he is quite happy - the one that he later explains with phrases like “the demon beguiled”, “everything happened by accident”, “I don’t love her, this is only sex” and “this is just one once".
Life after infidelity
Psychologists unanimously reassure: there is life after betrayal. Another question is what it is, this life ... Strange as it may seem, the answer to this question is already ready. And even laid out on the shelves. Figuratively, of course. Because psychologists tend to view the life of women who have experienced adultery with their husbands as a complex, but quite typical and therefore predictable process. And they even divide it into a clear number of successive stages. On the one hand, there is something dry and pragmatic about this. But, on the other hand, the awareness of this very fact can help to recognize that your situation is not unique. This means that you are not alone, and, following the example and in the company of many friends, unfortunately you will have to go through the same stages of revival as they do. At least, you are not groping and you can expect that your immediate psychological future will be built according to the following scheme: 
How to forgive your husband after cheating
Only those women who were able to forgive the traitor are able to stay with her husband after his betrayal. Moreover, we are talking about real, sincere forgiveness, and not just an image of condescension. You cannot deceive yourself and live with an opposed person through force - too. Therefore, if you really firmly decided to preserve both your family and your inner closeness with this person, you will have to go through a rather long, deep and difficult process of forgiveness. That's right: forgiveness is an act, not just a result. This may take time, perhaps even being apart. This is exactly what happens in families that reunite after a breakup. And unification - mind you! - this action is mutual, that is, the husband must help you accept it again and want it himself. It will take patience, expressions of love for you and, of course, honesty in the relationship. For your part, you must promise both to him, and mainly to yourself, not to stir up the past and not bring back to life past grievances either to the heat of quarrels, or in your own self-rumors.
To forgive or not to forgive is only your will and your decision. And you should be guided first of all by your own inner voice. On the one hand, there are almost no offenses that, after the culprit's sincere repentance, cannot be forgiven. This is evidenced by public morality, and religious traditions, and common sense. On the other hand, what is common sense if, next to the once closest and beloved person, you are still cold and uncomfortable now, but you cannot restore the former unity of souls. Then the only way out is to let go and not torture him or yourself. And this can be helped by a banal, old, but strong in its simplicity thought that everything in life strives for its place in the world and for harmony. What is ours will not leave us, and what is leaving is not ours. And if two people are destined to be together, then they will definitely be, and if not, then no common sense and wisdom will restore a broken family. And who can give a guarantee that the person with whom you are destined is the cheating husband. Perhaps betrayal and breakup were needed just in order for you, free to meet your real destiny. Whatever or whoever it is. Therefore, look more boldly into the future and believe that all the best, bright, kind and joyful is there, ahead. And it is waiting for you.
We've been married for five years. I'm 25, and my husband is 31. Everything happened last year, on the eve of our fourth wedding anniversary. Before the wedding, they talked for two years. One of which he spent on an internship in Switzerland. Before his departure, he presented a ring, promised to marry. But then we had a little quarrel over a trifle, and he did not write for several months. It was very difficult for me when I did not receive answers to my numerous letters. Then I calmed down and also stopped writing. And then he perked up, they say, why don't you write. In general, for that year he pretty ruffled my nerves. I lost weight, my immunity decreased, and I was often ill.
And so he came from Switzerland, everything was wonderful, they began to prepare for the wedding. And then I find in his mail a correspondence with one of his acquaintances. And this is all on the eve of the wedding. There, in principle, there was nothing, talk about life, light flirting on both sides until the morning, all night long. But it was unpleasant for me, I made it clear to him, promised that it would never happen again in my life.
A year after the wedding, our daughter was born. He loves her very much. In general, he is a great husband, a good father, he always treated me well. But it works a lot. But I have long since come to terms with this, and there were no complaints on my part (although at first we had misunderstandings on this basis. Especially when our plans were always thwarted because of his work).
Everything was great with us. True, I was a little dissatisfied with our intimate life. It was not enough for me, he was tired at work. For him, once a week was just right. And like that, four years passed. It was summer. I graduated from the magistracy and started looking for a job. He began to stay at work longer than usual. He came when we were already asleep. I trusted him completely. Moreover, I knew that at that time he had some important project. But I began to notice that he became somewhat irritable, I do everything wrong. And it all started in the last two weeks somewhere. Sometimes he will shout at me and look with such hatred. We began to quarrel frequently. Moreover, he was always the initiator. I was dissatisfied with everything, it became simply unbearable from these quarrels. But everything was fine in bed.
And then one day it was already three o'clock in the morning, and he was still gone. Before that, he could stay up to a maximum of one in the morning. I was worried, I called - he did not pick up the phone, I thought something had happened to him, I was crying. And then he showed up in the morning, so gloomy. Said we need to talk. And he told me that he had another. "I love her," he says, "I decided everything, we disagree." I was dumbfounded, shock. But she did not start a scandal, she took everything quite calmly. She said that I would go to my mother in the morning. He said that he would leave the apartment and the car for me and my daughter. And I tell him that if I bring my new husband here, he shouldn't mind. At first he was unhappy and said that in this case, his daughter would stay with him. And I said that a stepfather is better than a stepmother, and that the child needs, first of all, a mother. He agreed.
And so, waiting for dawn, I went to my page on the Internet. There was an offer of friendship from some guy. I accepted the offer, he immediately wrote to me. And I started pouring out my soul to this guy. And then it was very bad for me. The husband watched all this from the side. And this guy says to me: “Why are you giving up so quickly? You have to fight for your husband. " Well, I think: really, why should I give my husband to some girl? And I say to him: "Maybe we will try everything again?" He agreed. Although, when he came to me with a confession, he was adamant and insisted that he had already decided everything.
We decided to wait another two months, during which he would not communicate with her at all. And at this time she burned with impatience, wrote him sms, asked what they had decided. He told her about two months. She asked why exactly two months and all that. She asked me to pick up the phone if she calls him, as this may be on a very important issue, and so the type will not bother at all during these two months. A few hours later, my husband changed his mind at all to leave, beat the wall with his fist, regretting that he had told me everything, said that he had to break up with her like that.
I must say that she was one year older than him, and me by as much as seven, which made me even more offensive. Since my husband wanted me, young and very pretty, to exchange for a girl who is 7 years older. He met her a few months ago on the web. And there was such a frivolous, easy communication. Then they stopped communicating. She was abroad at that time. And when I arrived, I found him, and they met. We met for two weeks. At the last meeting, he wanted to end everything, but it turned out the opposite: in the arms of his mistress, he changed his mind and decided to leave his family. And that day she told him the story of her friend, whose parents are divorced, but she is so wonderful to communicate with her father. So don't worry about your daughter. He told me that she manipulated him in every possible way, asked for gifts.
The next morning he wrote to her that he needed to leave. She didn't bother me anymore. But it was very hard for me, I cried all the time. I didn't show it to my husband, but my daughter let it slip. I told him that I am most offended that he no longer loves me. He was always silent in response, which made it even more painful. But then, after some time, he began to say that he loved only me, and then he was silent, because it was a shame that he was not worthy of me.
A few months later, I became pregnant with my second child. When half a year had passed, we went to a pharmacy in a shopping center and we (husband, me, daughter) met her and her sister. There was no one in the pharmacy besides us. Everything was pounding inside me, my knees were trembling. I went up to her, looked at her intently and began to ask how her conscience allowed her to walk with a married man who has a child. She called me sick and wanted to leave. I grabbed her hand, said that I would disgrace her in front of all relatives, that I knew her cousin (at this time I collected a little information about her. Thanks to the Internet). She only called me names when I was sick, flapping her frightened eyes, her sister started calling for the guards, my husband pulled me away from her.
Then a few hours later she wrote me an SMS with an apology, they say, she didn’t want to destroy the family, it was my husband who seduced her. And her sms rained down on me, corresponded with her all night. It began to bother me, and she could not stop. The next day she asked for a meeting, said that she wanted to tell how it really was. I refused, and we began to correspond on the Internet. My husband and she told about the same story, only each in its own way. She asked for forgiveness, and with that we said goodbye. In the course of our communication, I noticed that she really is still some kind of manipulator.
And after this incident, a year has passed, our second daughter was born, everything seems to be fine with us. But I can't forget about it. I don’t remind my husband about it, I’m just slowly suffering myself. It is still a shame that my husband climbed on a dating site, it hurts to imagine how he squeezed with this girl (they did not have sex, the most they got to was petting in our car. His conscience did not allow him more, although she agreed. Actually, it was after this that he decided that he would leave the family, since he had already gone too far). And so you want to feel loved, the only one, special for your husband. But I understand that I cannot return that quivering feeling that was before. It used to be so clean for me, so good. And now, sometimes I remember, and I feel sick of him, although I love him. Now the thoughts come to me about whether he will cheat on me again, once once he allowed himself a hike to the left? Although he swears that it will never happen again and he has learned a lesson from it all.
Do you believe in history?
True 0 Not true 0
2013-10-17T12: 29: 56 + 00: 00
It doesn't matter if you're right, cheating actually opens your eyes to reality, sobering. Now I started thinking about myself, about building a career, making good money myself. And before I thought that I could devote myself to home, children, take care of their upbringing, all sorts of circles. But now I realized that I could not hope for anyone other than myself.
2013-10-11T14: 10: 12 + 00: 00
When I got married, I was absolutely sure that this would definitely not happen to me. Therefore, I did not think about how to survive the betrayal of my husband. My husband came across as a loyal man. I believed him so much that I did not even admit the thought that betrayal was possible. And then came the moment when I had to think: "How to survive the betrayal of her husband?" At first, I was also very worried when my husband stared at some girl with the same hairstyle as that slut. As they say, what does not kill us makes us stronger. Having suffered enough, I tried to look at this situation from the other side. Yes, I was betrayed - very unpleasant, painful, but that didn't make me worse. I’ll say more: I’m taller and better than that slut ... because, unlike her, I didn’t deceive my man, didn’t come up with bad stories about my man, didn’t lie under every stranger, and even more so didn’t walk with other people's husbands and didn’t try to break other people's families .. IMHO, I think all of the above is immoral!
At first there were thoughts of divorce, but I stayed because I loved. The fear of loss and betrayal haunted me all the time. This greatly interfered with life. I always expected that everything should be good, that my expectations would be justified. I had a lot of questions that I didn't have answers to. After analyzing everything from start to finish, I realized one thing: the more we love another person, the more expectations we have from him, the more fears that he is not who we see him, that he can deceive, abandon or change. You need to learn to realize your own value and the values of life in itself! Only this will give you self-confidence! It is fear that plunges us into illusion, and we cease to adequately perceive reality. Fearing to lose another person, we begin to suspect him of treason, we can even find confirmation of his infidelity, neurotically we try to keep him with us, too much to control, patronize. If we are confident in ourselves, then we are ready for any turn of events. Adversity and misfortune cannot shake us so much that we lose our balance and fall.
But in 3 years after my husband's betrayal, I learned to accept life as it is, without unnecessary expectations in order to live on. I do not believe more in words, but in deeds and actions, and this allows me to really see what is happening, to feel subtly and respond in time to a changing situation. Fears of loss and betrayal have disappeared, memories no longer interfere with living on.
Alisha. I understand you very much too. Nothing opens your eyes to reality like betrayal ... In itself, betrayal is not a momentary weakness, it is a well-considered choice. Unfortunately, betrayal is very difficult to forgive, but, alas, it is impossible to forget. Time also does not heal, it only leaves scars on the heart. But we must live on. Falling in love with yourself, you will see that life is valuable to us in that it gives an unthinkable number of different possibilities from which we can choose!
2013-10-08T12: 07: 07 + 00: 00
Thank you all for your support! Until I remember my husband's betrayal, I'm fine. But as soon as I remember about it, I just hate him. I can't watch romantic movies, it hurts, everything pops up. If I see a girl of the same type as her, again memories. But it is worth noting that after the betrayal of her husband, there was a shift for the better in our relationship. We began to treat each other more carefully, carefully, became more tolerant. But was it all worth my tears, nerves, health, difficult childbirth? It is a pity that we only became wiser and appreciated each other after having gone through such a negative experience. We have gained it, but at the same time we have lost it. Now there is no such idea for me as a soul mate, great love, created for each other. I don't feel like the only one special for my husband. But you get used to everything over time. So appreciate each other initially.
2013-10-06T04: 00: 25 + 00: 00
I read your story, experienced a similar experience, wrote about it in other topics ...
brace yourself, try very hard to not go in cycles, and it is rightly said above: develop yourself thoroughly, never stop at this, but do not forget that the husband is the head.
I understand you, because I myself am tormented, but I believe that if you sincerely patiently wait and work (together), then forgiveness and peace will come.
may God not leave you and help you!
2013-09-26T16: 41: 59 + 00: 00
Everything will pass, time heals. It will take half of the time you lived in marriage before the infidelity. Even then you will be surprised that everything is forgotten and looks so insignificant and funny from a distance. Yes, no one is immune from betrayal. You are still busy with children, and they will grow up, you will break out into people, talk to other men ... Who knows ... But conclusions must be drawn. A woman should first of all think about herself and her children. Therefore, we set aside a certain amount of money in secret from our husband for a safety net, we take care of ourselves, develop, improve, make a career, communicate, flirt a little (but nothing more). Men like women that everyone likes. So we are growing, improving, developing. From such very rarely leave. And even if they leave, then the holy place is never empty. If a woman is interested in herself, satisfied with herself, then her husband feels it too. And betrayal is a test for him and for her, in order to rethink life's priorities, learn to appreciate, forgive, not be scattered over trifles, live, get maximum pleasure from life.
2013-09-07T09: 18: 25 + 00: 00
And, I do not want to part with my husband, I was very worried that he was meeting with another, young woman for 4 years, and now I thought: “Well, let it!” This situation began to keep me in good shape, especially the husband said that it was all men like that, I'm only now afraid of catching an infection, although this B, by the nature of her activity, takes tests every three months. And he watches TV for up to an hour.
2013-09-05T23: 44: 28 + 00: 00
Alisha, we are all in a minefield. War is like war.
2013-09-05T11: 30: 10 + 00: 00
And where is the guarantee that such clouding of mind will not happen again? I reassure myself with the thoughts that life situations are worse than mine, that people lose their children, loved ones, become disabled and live on. And I have nothing compared to these.
2013-09-05T11: 13: 35 + 00: 00
If you think that there is no fault of yours, then it is not. At first I also looked for the reason in myself. But I noticed that from this a lot of complexes appear and self-confidence is lost. Moreover, I am a rather self-critical person. And if I do something, I don't necessarily admit it. Everything suited him, everything was wonderful, and one fine day it ceased to suit him, it does not happen. So the reason is not in me. I understand if everything began gradually, scandals there, everyday life, or grew fat, looked ugly, became a slob. But none of this happened. He tells me that he just burned out at work, all because of this.
Spike, thanks for your support. It's really nice that there are such men. I will definitely read your story. I myself do not know why I corresponded with her. From curiosity, I guess. I wanted to know everything as they had there. Of course, the thought of repaying him with the same coin is the first that comes to mind. But I don't know how, I'm afraid of God. And the most unpleasant thing is that he wanted to leave us because of the girl he had only seen a couple of times. Is he really that stupid and naive. Once again, you are convinced that men think in one place. Later, after reading her correspondence with me and remembering his relationship with her, he himself was horrified how he could have such a story. Cynical and hypocritical. Yes, and she asked for forgiveness from me only because she was scared, I really know her brother. She pretended to empathize with me, told me not to be nervous, take care of myself, I still have my daughter to raise. And where was her concern then when she wanted to take her husband away from the family? She said we were both victims. I listened to her, listened. Then, at the very end, I wrote to her everything I think, so that she would not admit me to herself, she is not a victim, and that I forgive her only because I cannot say no to a person who says “I'm sorry”. And so everything else is on her conscience. She said that she agreed with everything and would not justify herself. So our communication ended.
2013-09-05T10: 46: 30 + 00: 00
The story is really very interesting and sad. Author, you shouldn't gnaw yourself so hard, because they didn't even have sex. YES, there was a real moral betrayal, but I would write it off as a clouding of reason - at this moment the head on the shoulders turned off, unfortunately for us, men - this problem is acute throughout life. Your husband did not leave you and after a couple of months changed his mind, but only after a couple of hours. I wish you love, health to your children and quality sex.
2013-09-05T09: 55: 42 + 00: 00
Thank you, it's very nice that there are men who value loyalty. For me, he was the first and only man in my life, I can't even imagine another next to me. I confess in the heat of the moment, I wanted to repay the same, but could not. This is such ... there is not even a word how to call it. Thank you for your support, it became a little easier, I regret that I did not write then. It was very difficult to survive the betrayal without support, and to tell someone did not have the courage. For some reason I was very ashamed, although in principle, contrary to all statements "both are to blame for treason," I believe that it is not my fault. Also, you know, I don't hate her. Let her be happy, but only away from my family.
2013-09-05T09: 05: 33 + 00: 00
Reading your story, I once again experienced what happened to me a year ago, with the only difference that we are married for 12 years and she is 5 years older than me. I did not dare to write my story, but after reading yours I really wanted to support you, because I know how to live and wait for everything to happen again. Mine, too, swears that he loves and nothing like this will ever happen in his life, and that he realized that I was the one, the only one. But doubts are sown and it is very difficult to live on, it constantly seems that you are being deceived again and again. But I love him and I cannot live without him, but you are right of those feelings that you could not return before, but if you decide to live with him further, then you need to learn to live with it. I would like to wish that you can learn to live with it. May God give you strength and patience with this difficult life. Be happy!
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