Why the world is unfair to good people. Discontent or why the world is unfair

« The world should be honest and fair "So one of the irrational beliefs described by the American psychotherapist Albert Ellis have many and many of their patients. Of those people whom the road of life has led to the most rode neurotic disorders. For the decades of his medical practice, Ellis found that many and many thousands of people who suffer from various kinds and bizarre-free problems, life beliefs are the same.

It would seem that all these patients are somewhere far away, they are isolated in special clinics and have nothing to do with us. At least many think so easier. But in practice it turns out that preventing the lives of beliefs are laid in many people and often affect the situation in the entire states. This, of course, may seem ranting, at first glance, but below I will try to explain what I mean.

Often the belief of some equity and honesty, which will certainly be inherent in the world, manifests itself in people in such expressions: "I don't deserve this!", "Why does all this happen to me?", "How could he do with me?", "I didn't have any right to dismiss me!", "All this is still. Returns, my tears will be detached! " etc.

Of course, the conviction that the world should be honest and fair, absolutely irrational. That is, objectively does not be based on anything. In fact, this means that a person simply refuses to take the world as it is, and puts forward its certain requirements for the world. Moreover, if you dig deeper, it almost always turns out that, in the depths of the soul, the person says as follows: " The world should be honest and fair it is in relation to me ". No more, no less. That is, it is behind all this a certain sense of its own exclusivity, features, pride, possibly. In this regard, such conviction has a lot in common with the faith of a person in what everyone needs to love and support.

People who unconsciously led by such conviction are almost all the time about the fact that something is wrong in life. That they do not belong to others that life is not in the best way that the country in which they live, they are not enough for them well, that those living conditions in which they are incorrect, incorrect, unfair. And the person falls in these conditions somehow live. If the conditions were different if the world It was a little more honest and fair, then the man himself would act in life very differently. In many ways, this perception of the world meets the perception of a teenager with its maximalism and idealistic aspirations. Teenage riot often means that the child begins for this justice and the honesty of the world to fight. As a rule, all this struggle ends simply nothing. And then a person can come to another conviction about life, which is a mirror reflection of the previous one: " The world is absolutely unfair ". And, accordingly, no good to wait for him. It is quite clear that such a conviction of the feeling of joy and the usefulness of life is not brought.

Razing phrase - the roots of all problems go to childhood. In a child, the range of worries and life difficulties is significantly more than an adult. By and large, it is enough just to learn well at school, getting the right mark, read the literature in the summer, which teachers are recommended for reading, maybe engage in some kind of mug or sports section and, in fact, all - you're fine! Your problems are solved, nothing depends on you anymore, you did everything from you. Just because, in childhood, our circle and problems and the correctness of their solution were not controlled by us. It almost always did someone else - parents, adults in the general sense. As a child, it often even the word "adults" sounded like something magical. Adults were perceived almost as gods with their salting and omnipotence. You are sitting, somehow, in childhood and you think: "Here, I will become an adult and then ...". Already the spirit captured from one thing! But the man of grew, grown, and the realities of life turned out to be such that problems and worries were not less than, but significantly more. And control over all this from the outside passed inside. The man himself had to control the problems and concerns. And it turns out that expectations, when the world becomes honest and fair in relation to me, had a tendency not to come true and even on the contrary.

Many people in whom the belief of unconditional justice or injustice (that the same, the two sides of the same medal) continues to live, try to solve the problem with their ways. They are not so much, they are quite well known:

— Care of work . Powerful workaholism - a person works and works, works in the hope of solving all his current problems, sweetly dreaming, which, "I will decide with all the things, I will decide all questions, and, then, on vacation ....". Is it really very similar to the expectations of a child from adult life? And in practice it often turns out that on vacation, such, like, long-awaited and dressed, the feeling of happiness does not occur. Some emerge from the position using alcohol, which for a while extinguishes the concerns of the problems of the "smart head" and makes it possible to return to the state of children's serenity. But only for a while - in this and trouble

— Getting married for girls and marriage for men (last less often) Sometimes people get married, create a family, even really not concerned with their own expectations from future living together. Of course, there are such people with whom it is impossible to agree in principle, and they will always stand only on their own, but most, yet, ready to dialogue with their loved ones. In practice, it turns out that after the divorce (they in our country, as we all know, are not uncommon) people complain to each other to their friends and friends: "He is so stupid, so I could not understand me!", "She constantly I thought only about myself, but I had to take care of me, "well, well, in the same vein. All these complaints only submit the fact that a person married, waiting for the partner, in fact that he will relieve him from worries and problems. Which is also similar to the expectations of the child towards adult.

— Creating some ideal and equal to him . As the saying goes: "Want to spoil your life - compare it with the perfect." This is more typical for people who are accustomed to live with a loaf on some idol. If the world is unjust, if the honesty in relation to itself does not succeed in achieving, then the person sends his attention to some kind of image. Stars, celebrities, people leading an active secular and public life - it seems that everyone has everything and all right and in order. That's, they are definitely no concerns, he lives in the fair and right world.

All these examples unites one thing - the desire is quick and easy to get justice from the world for yourself. In the language of academic psychologists, this is called regress to children's ways to respond. Once upon a time, the desire remains the same, only those external objects change, in relation to which it is directed:

- At first, for example, it may be mom. Its urgent attitude should be to keep it to me everything and everything provided me.

"Then, this is some school teacher who also should be with respect to me. His justice is to put me only good marks and easily take exams.

- Well, in the future, when entering conditionally adulthood (conditionally, because a person responds to the world, is still kindergarten, waiting for him unconditional honesty and justice), it may be at all anyone:

Nearby and tedious business partners who absolutely do not understand my internal aspirations, plans and views on doing business - so often think those who "burn out" at work.

Brew and corrupt businessmen who joined themselves in the property that they do not belong, and now they are trying to get their income from this! It will not come so simple, but, well, come on, share with me, pay me a tribute, so that I will let you know your business - about it and thinks the official who takes bribes from business and holy believing that everything around in this unfair and The dishonest world is a thieve thieves and gangsters. All except, of course, himself. He is honest and decent, but in this world, where all the thieves and gangsters are different in any way! He has to live like that, allowing these dishonest polls to make their affairs for fair and moderate retreats. Here you have the influence of such a small and simple, at first glance, the belief that through the behavior of quite concrete people, really affects the situation in the country.

Political parties that are fully carried out fully accurately for my, personally my life, and, being consisting completely from thieves and rogues, I spoil my life! I am waiting for them from these parties, the fact that they will make the whole world around me honest and fair, and they, reptiles, are not in a hurrying with it! And then I disappoint them and declar them all, vigorously, crooks and thieves - doesn't it think a huge number of people in the country, belonging to power, as to a certain parent?

Or, here, a very living example - how drivers belong to themselves and to the surrounding drivers on the road. Approximately in that spirit that "I am an excellent driver myself! But the rest, those that around - well, the utter assholes, do not know how to ride and do not follow the rules! ". Somehow in one transmission I heard about the study conducted among the drivers. Drivers were given a choice of three statements with which they were guided by: 1. I am a bad driver, and around me on the road, all the same bad drivers. 2. I am an excellent driver, and around me on the road all bad drivers. 3. I am an excellent driver, and around me on the road, all the same excellent drivers. So, here, according to the results of the study, it turned out that the drivers who were guided in life with conviction No. 2, at 10 (!!!) times more often make an accident than everyone else.

The thing is that by reading all the above, many people living on the principle " The world should be honest and certified "The next kind of thought will arise:" Well, this is someone else who lives. These are other people with such convictions suffer from all sorts of problems. So, let them change something in themselves, and I will continue to live, as before, trying to change something in the world, which is really not like that. " The bottom line is that the world is neither uniquely certified and honest and should not be. He is not unfamiliar and unfriendly. It objectively consists of a variety of accidents that cannot be controlled, it consists, in addition to joys and serene moments, also from a series of problems and worries, the end of which sense meaninglessly - they will still continue. Take on the accomplishment for solving these problems and worries, for the creative approach to them, for ingenuity in this matter - and means becoming an adult. Start changing something in yourself and your nearest circle - and means becoming an adult. Understand that you are for every moment of life and imagine exactly what was able to overcome in life - and means becoming an adult. Taking the world as it is on this moment, we get the opportunity to change something in it.

Perfect time will never come. You are always either too young either too old, or too busy, or too tired, or something else ...

Suffer much easier than change. To become happy, you need to have courage

Bert Hellinger.

And indeed, the fear of the new and unknown makes us stay at the point of our development, where we are.

Even if life is unfortunately, work brings disappointment, the relationship is destroyed, the soul is forgotten and covered with dust, the law of conservation or homeostasis holds us from changes. For changes are dangerous and unpredictable.

No need to wait for Magic Pendel!

We find various methods Close your eyes to dissatisfaction with spiritual needs, unrealizations in life, severe reality.

"Others are even worse", "everything is not easy now," and in Africa, children are starving, "" might be worse "- this is the small part of installations and conclusions, allowing a person to reconcile with reality, remain in that situation in which he is in.

In such a state of stability, a person can live all his life and not awakened without realizing his potential fully. Many familiarize the situation when a woman lives life in unhappy marriage all life because of fear of difficulties and failures, hiding behind the care of children, or saving an alcoholic, or a pain.

Fortunately, there is also a law of development or heterostasis, which forces us to develop, overcome difficulties, move forward, part with the already exhausted and unnecessary, give the way the wind of change.

Our inner motor, our inquisitive soul, thirsting for the whole new and unknown, constantly make it difficult to know about yourself an irrepressible inner voice, or a playful mood in early spring After a long winter.

Thus, in front of a person is the vital task in finding a balance between equilibrium and stability. On the one hand, our body is mortally and susceptible to death, strive to maintain stability, on the other, our immortal soul is not afraid of anything, it is inquisitive and seeks to everything new.

A man listening to his soul, sensitive to his desires and internal impulses easily modifies his life, profession, place of residence, satellites of life.He strives for the dream, is engaged in what he loves, he lives with those who loves, and, therefore, happy.

But it happens more often. Many families know the feeling of a stretching uninteresting life when you feel mired in everyday life. Warm swamp, routine, routine - we call it differently and we can stay in such a state long, waiting for signs over, happy occasion, good luck, Magic Pendel, good wizards or heroes - rescuers, not ready to make an independent step.

K.P. Eestes writes in his book "Running with Wolves": "If you never go to the forest, you never happen to happen to you, and your life will never begin." But for this you need will, courage and push.

If you look abstract and generalizable, all customers come to a psychotherapist for the will, courage and push.

Of course, at first they impose external problems, complaints about others.

Like, the marriage is unhappy, the work is oppressing, the country in the crisis, there is no money, children do not obey, they are sick, and the whole itself consists of complexes and neuroses presented by their parents.

Step by step, consultation for consultation The client begins to understand that most expectations from the world are not justified, only he himself is the author of his life.

He is aware of his inner freedom, which no one will be able to crush, takes responsibility for his life on himself and becoming powerful.

This is one of the key points in psychotherapy when the client is ready to move from the awareness and analyzing his life and behavior to actions, a real change in the circumstances of his life.

The following lines were deeply crashed into my head, now I use them as a memo myself:

Perfect time will never come.

You are always either too young

Either too old

Either too busy

Either too tired

Either something else ...

If you are constantly worried about choosing the perfect moment, it will never come.

Having increasing his awareness, recognizing itself the client begins to look soberly for reality, gaining courage to reveal the eyes to the real course of things, without using primitive psychological protection as denial, projection, etc. Perhaps it brings pain, but also leads to the movement of the power of the soul to change the unsatisfied aspects of life and the development of themselves.

In addition to the article I want to quote another author (Ann_Duglas.LifeJournal.com),which with due humor and self-irony reveals the essence of a sober look at the world. For me, this is like a sidewall, which, in combination with intuition and courage, brings stunning results.

"And so I thought it's time to see, finally, this world really, and not after 8 layers of pink glasses. And then, after all, the people will be so gray hair in confidence that they are so smart-talented, will also see the sky. in diamonds.

So postulates:

• This world is unfair. Just remember.
• You are not unique. You have the same two hands, two legs as in 90% of the population. Believe me, nothing outstanding in you. And to be - go, work, on yourself or hands, or at least wash the dishes. And at all you are not a creative spiritual person, which no one understands. You are the most common.
• Your "deep" thoughts do not represent any value.At all. Yes, you are ordinary and say banalities. So what? Not everyone needs to be in Schopenhauers. The most important things are simple and understandable.
• All do not care about your problems. They have their own. It is normal, because you in the depths of the soul on other people's difficulties also do not care.
• Stop steaming what people think about you. First, they do not think so often, secondly, they don't care about you, and thirdly, they say they themselves to confuse that you think about them.
• You do not imagine an even account no importance. On Earth 7 billion people, you are among this sea with a magnifying glass not to see. Therefore, immediately understand that you as a person is actually interesting only for a limited circle of people. These are your parents, a husband or wife and a few friends. Everything. If you have this circle and you really important, you are very lucky. If not ... you understand, yes? World is not fair.
• Don `t cry.You can solve the problem - decide. Decide - well done. You can not - close your mouth and eat soup.
• You are mortal.Sometimes suddenly. Have this in mind. And rejoice, which is alive, it is not for long.
• Rely only on yourself. Life is long, it happens anything. If you think that you avoid problems, because you have a lot of money, cool parents and a popular profession, then I feel sorry to upset you, but a lot of people thought in 1917.
• Problems are inevitable. Large and minor troubles are necessarily, regardless of your behavior and spiritual merit. This happens with everyone. No one is perfect and no one is insured against anything.
• No need to think positively. Thoughts are real.You will not be richer Bill Gates. Realize this already go my dishes, a dreamer.
• This too shall pass. And it is - too". published. If you have any questions about this topic, ask them to specialists and readers of our project .

P.S. And remember, just changing your consciousness - we will change the world together! © Econet.

Hello. As I promised, today we will talk about why the world sometimes seems to us so wrong and unfair, and, of course, I will tell you how to get rid of this painful feeling. I do not know how for you, and for me this problem was relevant for quite a long time. Many things taking place with me (and around me) seemed terribly wrong. I could not understand why it's nice and beautiful girl It may start to meet with the most real cattle, could not understand why some blizzard hamlo achieves in life much more than a friendly and peace-loving person. This list can be continued and then, but I think you caught my thought.

Personally, I did not care from the awareness. As soon as suicidal thoughts did not reach. And very long time I could not understand in which direction you need to dig to get rid of this feeling. But after a long time I still managed to figure out what.

As usual, all the roots go with early years. In childhood, parents try to instill moral values \u200b\u200band explain what is good and what is bad. They do it for two reasons. First, it is easier to manage the child, and secondly, so in our society it is necessary. We instill such qualities as modesty, politeness, intelligence is the norm. After all, the child must be cultural and decent. But why it takes particularly no one and does not think.

As a result, the child, like a sponge, absorbs the words of the parents and everything goes well, but only until a certain point. Once in the team, the child sees that not all the right and intelligent as it is. And then he begins to rely on his culture, as a distinguishing feature that separates it from all "bad." And somewhere in his subconscious, even slipping the thought "I am better than they!".

But sooner or later, a child (and by that time, perhaps, already at all, not a child) thinks: "Why am I good, and all the other bad and wrong?". And here there is a harsh reality before him. AT modern world We won not good, but strong personalities. Hepacity and perseverance turn out to be more valuable qualities than decency and intelligence ... Such is the brutal truth and they will not get anywhere from it.

So what is needed to reset this stone from the soul is unnecessary correctness? Everything is relatively simple - you just need to realize that those highly oral values \u200b\u200bfor which you kept actually turned out to be false. However, despite the simplicity of the above, it is quite a long and painful process, but it is necessary if you do not want to continue in your illusions. Forget about what "should" be people, and it is better to look around what they really are. And remember that there is no injustice. Everything that happens in the world is correct and naturally. Just realize, accept this and continue to live on ...

From early childhood, we hear from parents and adults various installations, limitations, norms of behavior.

When we grow, we have our views and installations. But the "forgotten" patterns that were formed in childhood did not disappear anywhere. They show themselves in everyday life, Warning subconsciously, we do not even notice this.

So how do they affect us already in adult condition? In this article we will look at some of them.

Most people believe that the world is cruel and unfair that there are many grief in it and misfortune. Such a relation to the world comes from inner discontent with itself. Something could not himself, and there - incorrectly answered to someone, and in another place rudely answered you, misunderstood and, in general, I would like to live differently, elsewhere and to be born another person.

Similar thoughts, and the state of discontent emerging due to them are inherent in almost all people. Often, the root of such discontent from childhood. A person is born free of discontent and fears.

And now try to remember yourself with a small child, what did we constantly hear? Parents trying to protect us from imaginary dangers and troubles, constantly inspired to us: "You are still small," "Do not climb, where you are not asked," "not your business", "don't turn out", and a lot more with a particle " "You may probably remember yourself. And the whole complex of a wide variety of "impossible" accompanied each of us in childhood, which we dragged with them and in adulthood!

Moreover, adults did it, mostly, aforementionative, categorical tone, not tolerating objections and a depriving child, the right of choice and action on their own. Most of the fact that the child could do himself, and he was wondering and informative, the parents did for him, inspiring her came, that this is care, the love that they know better what. From birth, children from nature are inquisitive, they try to learn and explore this world and their place in it seek to live on their own. And the "Commons" parents often stop or limit the child, thereby generating disorders in it: "I am interested in it, I want to try myself" On the one hand and adult: "You can not, we will do it for you," on the other hand.

Podral, such a person ceases to trust himself and understand himself, generating a psychological stereotype, which manifests itself in everyday life, any new beginner or an unfamiliar situation. These settings gradually develop into psychological complexes and restrictions. Thus, a matured person has a thinking pattern: "Others know better than I myself," "He's a boss - let him decide," "I'll keep it better or do as others, so safer."

An artificial personality superstructure arises, a peculiar projection of parents, adults, which limits and restrains the creative potential of the personality, giving birth to internal uncertainty, discontent and irritability. Staying in this state, a person does not understand where discontent, because externally, it seems, everything is good and calm. Then he begins unconsciously, trying to get rid of accumulating inner aggression, pouring or projecting this discontent to the external events and the people around him: "Not I am, the world is so."

How to get rid of such negative quality? First you need to realize my condition - it is already half an end. And then you need to work on yourself.

- Remove claims to parents, conscious and no. Forgive them, taking such a state of things that parents gave us the best, all that they were capable of. And the main thing they gave us life.

- The attitude to the mother is projected on external world. All you feel in relation to your mother is manifested in your eyes and your worldview as a whole.

- Clean the claims to yourself and other people. A man without claims is given a lot of circumstances. If there are complaints, then a person takes much more, because in a negative state he has been aware of consciousness, and he does not see his capabilities and advantages.

Everyone inside us. You need to take yourself as you are. Allow yourself just to be, implement your creative potential, do what I want a person as a projection of the soul.

Live "Heart", and not for someone else desire or mind, since the mind is always selfish and false. Start doing what "the hands did not reach" or there was an underestimation.

Then joy be sure to settle within you and will be strengthened on the world around you, making it for you and other prosperous and joyful.

Good clean expensive, friends. Interesting finds on the way!